View Full Version : Advice needed
Hi,
I'm a newbie but needed some advice at the moment.
My boyfriend has been posted to the Falklands - leaving in 3 weeks. We'd only been together 2 months when he was told but we made the decision to stay together and give it a go. Everything has been perfect since even though he's been on courses a lot.
This week though hes said he doesn't think he wants a relationship and I don't know if this is normal.
Its his first posting and whether he doesn't know what to expect and doesn't want to be worrying about me plus his ex cheated on him so whether he's worried about that but I was wondering how your partners are when they're getting closer to going away? I still want to try to support him when he's away but my friends think I'll be wasting my time and to forget about him.
HI welcome to wags!
How long is he going for?? I think you need to think really hard if its what you really want seen as you havent been together that long then when you have decided talk to him and tell him how you really feel and that you really want it to work!! You can give it ago if it doesnt work out well at least you tried!!
If after a talk he deffo doesnt wanna be with you then your going to have to accept this im affraid!
He's going to be away for 4 months - gets back end of Jan.
He said his feelings haven't changed for me and he's not really sure why he's thinking like he is as the night before he was looking at holidays for us when he gets back.
Apart from his friends who haven't been away before I've never met anyone in the forces so don't know what to expect.
Hi hun
Hes bound to be on edge and worrying about these things (as im sure you are slightly) as he's really nervous and stressed about being posted and thinking about the straine it might have on your relationship... he sounds like he really cares for you. You just need to sit down and have a good chat, make your feelings clear by reasuring him you'll be there for him when he gets back etc ... I hope it works out for you hun! xxxxx
Thanks - we do need a heart to heart. It hasn't helped that he's been in Cosford for 3 weeks and isn't back to base for another week so he's probably had too much time on his hands to think.
Fingers crossed we'll get through it, but either way I'm so proud of him & will try to support him as a friend
Hello and welcome to wags!!!
You def need a good chat with him, theres no reason why your relationship wouldnt work babe... as us ladies all do it... its hard but the thought of them comin home to you is amazin... I think it sounds like hes a bit jittery... so reassure him.. and if its meant to be then itll work darlin, if you need a chat or help, pm me.... Much loves xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Thanks for all the nice words - reading the posts makes me admire everyone on here.
We've only been together 5 months and because he was told so early in our relationship we've only had brief chats about it as we've just wanted to enjoy our time together and make the most of it.
I really do think if he'd been here he wouldn't have thought like he did - I know I was upset when he left last Monday as the reality of him going started to hit me so hopefully when we see each other again.....
xxx
Hey hun, welcome to wags!!
It's quite normal for them to behave like that when before they go away, it seems to be their way of coping. If he has had problems with ex's cheating on him then that wont help your situation but like everyone else has said, sit down and have a chat about it, if your willing to wait for him (sounds like you are) then there shouldnt be a problem
xx
Hi hun, welcome to wags. I really think that you need to have a good chat with him to clear things up so that you both now where you stand and so that you understand what is going through his mind. That way you will know what he really wants and what, if anything, is concerning him. I think once you both explain to each other what you want and where you see the relationship heading, you will have a much clearer idea of what to do. Hope it works out for you hun xx
Hiya Hun
Welcome to WAGS!! I think you'lll find what your going through is quite common many of the men say to there girlfriends " I can't put you through this"/ " You might cheat on me"/ " Its not fair on you and I've never had a girlfriend whilst I've been away"..etc..etc.. I think your man sounds like he needs a good bit of reaasurance. Thhis could be his subtle testing technique, he is saying these things to see how you react and to give you a chance to walk should you not be 100% up for it. This is your oportunity to confirm to him you are willing to give it a try. You need to say positively and firmly that its your decision to put yourself through all this as you love him and he must stop worrying for you !! If you didn't want to do somethin you would say. You can make it clear to him you have no intention of ever cheating on him, he is obviously anxious about this but you just have to make him believe you.
I think a heart to heart ( as you said) would be ideal and I'm sure you will sort this out. It sounds like he is scared of getting hurt again.
Hope it goes well
LucyX
Hi, welcome to Wags first and foremost.
It sounds to me as if he's just thinking about your feelings, you've not been together a long time therefore he's worried that you'll not cope with being away. The Falklands is only one of a number of postings and tours he'll will be doing throughout his career therefore probably doesn't want to put you through the mill with all the stresses that comes with such times.
Maybe you need to sit him down and explain that you don't mind him being away.....thats you'll miss him but ultimately if you two want to be together then you've got to accept and appreciate this part of his life and get on with things.
X x X x X
Thanks for the lovely messages - am having a better day today because of them.
I guess he is trying to protect me from having to go through it and I'm glad it sounds more common than I first thought. He's got a big family and I know he's going to miss them loads so whether he thought he'd try to not put at least one person through it.
And if you're meant to spend your life together then 4 months isn't that big a time and I think after the first one we'd both know what to expect so it'll be less scary and not entering the unknown.
xx
Trust me hun, once you get into it, time will fly :) xx
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