View Full Version : Navy Wife to be in need of mental help :-)
Hi everyone,
I have been with 5.5 years and we got engaged in may and a month later he went to dartmouth for his training to be a warfare officer. I am not coping at all well, I am feeling very depressed and crying all the time. I am doing my best to be supportive but I just hate the whole thing. I love him very much and I don't want to prevent him doing what he wants, but I am so terribly unhappy about him being away all the time. If I can't cope with the training how on earth am I going to handle him being away at sea for six months. I am in quite a unique situation both my parents work abroad, I went to international school so I don't really have a lot of friends or a support network in england. I am trying to keep busy with work and I moved to live at the school I work at when he left as I could not afford the rent on my own. I am now a boarding misstress two nights a week which keeps me occupied and gives me less time to think. I feel like a total headcase? Is this normal, is it going to get more structured? As everything seems so disorganised I never know when his leave is going to be. I desperately want to set a date for our wedding but that also seems impossible. Please get in touch xox I admire you all this is really hard
Hi there ruthless...
I'm Kat my OH is an officer in the RAF and is currently in London for the next couple of months. he left a couple of weeks ago so i feel your pain here!
When did he go?
What we all seem to agree on is keeping busy and getting into a routine helps the time pass. And it seems you are already starting to do that.
Its a shame that you don't have friends near you but you have now got a whole community of people who understand how you are feeling. pull up a chair, ask anything you want and before you know it, you will be passing many an hour chatting with the girls here.
Its not always this hard, but planning and knowing about leave in my experiece is a bit hit and miss!!
xxx
He is in his second seven week phase he went last weekend. So we had some time together then he went back again this time seems harder than the first its like the realisation that this is what its going to be like. I go through phases some times upset sometimes really angry at him for leaving. We had a nice normal life before he went we were happy. Now im just a mess, I feel like I am being totally rubbish at it too. Why can't I just be happy and supportive? I am lucky to have some one I love so much but this just really sucks.
I think these things come in phases. Its not easy so don't beat yourself up for finding it hard. sometimes its harder after you had some time together cos its like being back to sqaure one.
Whereabouts are you based?
xxx
I live in Surrey, he's in Darmouth its a good 5,5 hours away. But there doesn't seem a lot of point moving as this is only his training and he will be extremely busy and rarely be able to go off base even if I was there. Thanks for your support Kat, I'm Ruth nice talking to you.
Hey Ruthless, stop being so hard on yourself. There is not a single person involved with a forces bod who is happy for them to be away for weeks if not months on end. It is difficult and nobody will say otherwise, but believe it or not it does become bearable.
When my bf went on his tour (afghan 8 months) I was a total basket case. It didn't help that I was not sure where he and I stood, but now 10 weeks or so in, all is well if not better between us. I can honestly say the only way I have managed to do it is by using this site.
Firstly all the women here understand your situation and secondly most of them have experience of living with a forces fella, so they can totally sympathise with everything you feel. Not to mention provide invaluable advice and support.
I would do as Kat says and just come on here when it gets too much for you. Believe me, before long you will come on because you're feeling more at peace with your situation and be able to offer your own advice too. Plus there's always something here to put a smile on your face.
You will be fine, but in the meantime, it is perfectly natural to feel as you do. If you didn't love him so much, you wouldn't be missing him so badly and you know he feels the same about you. When you have settled into your situation, all those things that make him special become magnified and you'll develop a deeper appreciation for him and both of you as a couple. That can never be a bad thing.
Stay strong and use this site as often as you can. We'll all help you through. xx
Hey Ruth, no probs that's what we are all here for.
I'm in shrewsbury and he is in london now until Nov when he starts in Oxfordshire. Mine is training too so there is no point moving for me either. I am lucky that we should get most weekends together.
Do you get weekends with him at all during his training?
xxx
Hi Jabberwocky thanks for that. Basket case just about describes me, I never thought I would seriously consider myself looney or depressed but this is definately seeming to have that effect. No weekends, that would be nice I could cope with that. We did that one year when I did my masters only seeing him at the weekend I could handle, but I have become more dependant on him since then so maybe not hahahaha who knows. I thought I'd be better than this. The Navy training is fairly strict about them not going of base next time he gets holiday is in six weeks he gets a long weekend. But by the time we have travelled home again it'll be about a day OMG..... lol this is nutts. But I'm looking forward to christmas he is going to get a couple of weeks. Roll on christmas trees, shopping and lights. Thank god I have a dog for company, though I am talking to him rather a lot.. maybe I need a psychologist.
Come into chat, there's a few of us there might be nice for you to chat and take your mind of it? xx
Sweetie I have a psychology degree and I teach it - there's nothing wrong with you. You are pining, something all of us here are more than familiar with. It will take some adjustment, but you will get through it. If I can, anybody can. I am antiarmy with a major for a bf - some would say it's karma...
Seriously, it seems as though your world is caving in, but it's just getting used to your circumstances. They may not be ideal, but inexplicably they are manageable. Plus and this really surprised me, you realise the things that usually do your head in re your oh are really unimportant. Me n the bf fight like cat n dog normally, but while he's been away all that stuff is inconsequential. trust me you will be fine and you don't need any head docs at all.
Thanks babe I am a teacher to I teach Drama hence why I'm such a drama quen about my man leaving me for the stupid Navy lol
hi hun, was chatting to you in chat, just thought i'd say welcome to wags. stick on here with us and you'll be absolutley fine. i woke up in such a crappy mood and now i'm feeling loads better and am actually off to the gym for the first time in over a month and thats coz of these girls cheering me up. xxx
hey ruth!
welcome to wags hun! my oh is in the navy too, he is a aircraft engineer but is currently out in afghan till dec!!
it's normal to feel a bit like a basket case but i set my self goals whilst my oh is away and time does pass quick and then i start to feel normal again! i have a bit of a love hate with the navy, love them cause the money is good and my oh is so happy in his job but i hate them to the point where i chuck cushions at the tv when the recuitment advert come on!!
stick with us on here hun and you will be fine!!! x x
Hi Ruth
As the others have said you are not a basket case, it is horrid when they are away. I also think that people try to sympathise with you but they dont truly know what us wives & gf have to go through every time they are away. If people see that I am upset about hubby being away they just seem to pry some more up until the point when I am nearly crying, I think that is their way of helping me deal with it!!!
Last weekend I was ready to give hubby an ultimatum as I was that racked off with him going away!! But I didnt as I know he loves his job!!!
Keep your chin up chick and like the others have said this site can help with venting!!!
Take care
Nicki
xx
Thanks guys for your support, im siting here hoping he'll ring he said he might. I understand how you feel about the ultimatum... me or the navy. But although I'd give everything to have him back right I cannot help thinking he would always resent me for making him choose as he says its the best job he's ever had. This is so hard....
I know exactly what you mean they would resent you, if he ever did come out the navy I would want him to make that decision of his own accord with no influence from me. If he did say that he wanted to leave (which he has done numerous times) I would probably convince him to stay as I know it would probably be a 'phase' that he is going through.
I know it is crap for them being away from home but I dont think they truly know how hard it is back home as our lives are going on as they did when they were here without the biggest part here with us. When they say they will call and they dont we get sooooooo disappointed a minute feels like an hour, an hour a day etc.... MEN HEY?!? You have to love them!!!
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