View Full Version : Need some reassurance
hey all
i'm very new to all this (the site, being a wag, anything army related) so pls bear with me!
i've not been with my OH all that long, but when we did get together a few months ago I knew that he'd served 9 years in the navy, but after a year of being a civvy (all these terms are so new and strange to me but i'm learning!) and almost 6 months of not being able to find regular work he's decided that the military life is the only life for him......its always been mentioned in passing but last week he went to the careers office and officially 'signed back up' and i'm, well, really scared about it all.....and have NO idea what the future holds....
so although we've not been an item all that long i do trust my gut instinct that i actually might have met 'the one', he's a great guy and i'm falling head over heels for him.....but what does being an army gf or wife actually entail? what am i letting myself in for?
i'm really struggling with all the feelings that are going on, he's really excited about it all and is telling everyone about it all and then there's me who feels like scrooge at christmas, he isn't likely to go into training until after xmas so we have a few months before anything actually happens but i just feel a bit like its a death sentance and I can't see how things will work for us as a couple when he goes. i really really want to be happy for him as i'd support him whatever he did but i just don't know what to expect and have only known people who have split up or cheated on their oh's whilst in the forces, not actually had healthy longterm relationships which is want i really really want with him.......I really could do with some reassurance that this new phase in his life doesn't mean the end of us, that we can still continue a relatively new relationship and still be 'normal' to a certain degree.......and if anyone else can tell me a bit about what being an army wife is actually like, I know thats way off in the future for me, but if he's truly 'the one' then I'd really like to know that being the partner or wife (god he'd kill me if he knew i was thinking that far in the future) isn't all worrying for his life and counting down the days until my boy returns from war.....
i'm so glad i found this site, and really hope you girls who have been there and done that can just help me out a bit.
thank you all in advance
MissJuice81
xx
hey hunny welcome 2 wags :) ve been with my oh Lewis for 2 years and he's been in the army 3 but ive known him since we were 11. I swore blind i would never get with him for exactly the same reasons your thinkin but we're gettin married in February :eek: He's comin 2 the end of a 7month tour of afghan next month and i honestly dont know how i;ve coped but this site has been a life saver. but some how u jus cope and get on n when u are together everythin means so much more and is more appreiciated than a "civvy" relationship. so give it a go as hard as it will be to adjust at first it gets easier.If your meant to be u will be and if u can get thro this u will get thro anythin. :) hope this helps
xxx
Welcome MissJuice
I can't help you from personal experience. But what I have picked up from being on this site and reading about other peoples relationships is that some work and some don't, just like in civi society. If you love your man and are willing to work at your relationship it can work. The job presents challenges that other jobs don't.
No one's life in here is counting down the days until the boy returns from war. There are teachers, and nurses, and lawyers and sales people and accountants and mothers and students. Forces girlfriends have to have a life outside of the relationship. How can you share interesting stories to keep his morale up if you are sitting at home worried about him?
You can't control his actions and behaviours in the relationship; if he's going to cheat on you he would do that, forces or not. You need to watch your thinking though. His time will not be his own anymore, it is the navys. If he doesn't call when he says it may have nothing to do with your relationship and everything to do with his job.
I know there are others more suted to comment on this topic, so I will let them. :)
Hey huni welcome to wags hope you enjoy the site xxx
thanks Rach, yeah that helps more than you know, its all just really scary at the moment but it helps so much knowing that other people have been here, done that and got the t-shirt, its just all so unknown and frightening to me, i've only ever known civvy relationships and am also very aware of the fact that my OH actually split from his wife when he was in the navy the first time around.....plus he tells me horror stories at how many of the lads he served with broke up with their wags whilst serving, when he divorced his wife (who cheated on him whilst he was on tour) he said that he basically 'joined the gang' of divorcees......it all just sounds so bleak and its nice to hear from someone who can vouch for it actually working out....
i've just been and bought a book that i saw someone mention on another thread 'the battle at home whilst you're soldier's at war', i'm trying to arm myself with as much info as poss so i can be as prepared as possible for when the time comes and he goes.......i just feel like we're in the heady honeymoon period of just getting together and i can't imagine not having him around, and watching ross kemp, band of brothers, black hawk down etc etc just isn't doing the job of making me feel any better about it all!!
thank you for your reply, i have a funny feeling this site might just be the lifeline i've been looking for
xx
hello hun, welcome to wags firstly! you will get great advice on here and there is always someone to rant too!
i have been with my OH for nearly 6 yrs and he has been in the army for 4 yrs coming up. it is an interesting relationship, i will say that! but u have to look at it in 2 ways. its great for keeping the chemistry going especially if u don't see each other for a while! but then the other downside is the part where u are on ur own a long time some weeks and adjusting to seeing them wen u can. mine hasn't been on a tour yet so i can't really comment on that but he was in canada for 4 months last year so i did get a taste of absence. the trick is to give yourself goals and to keep yourself busy. that way u will cope better with things. xx
Welcome to wags, everyones lovely.... so get chattin x x x
no probs hun :) 1 tip tho-dont listen 2 any1 who hasnt been in a "military" relationship b4-because although they mean well u will hear alot of "oh i couldnt do that""how will u cope" blah blah blah ignore it. u jus gotta try it for your self and your own reasons and u will find your lil routines and ways of copin. u will be fine :)
xx
Hello welcome to wags, ive been with hubbi 8years married for 18months. Hubbis has done 12years in the army he will serve his full 22years so just 10years to go! You can never understand what its like until you have lived that life I didnt fully understand until I was well and truely head over heels in love with him.
You just have to be proppered for everything been messed about, dates changing and everything else that comes with the army way of life! It can be very difficult at times but if you love your man you get on with it. I wouldnt change the way of life we have even though I only get to see him at weekends! You just have to make evry moment a special moment and enjoy the time you have together!!
Its not all bad it just takes alittle getting use to!!
Hey Hun
A very big warm welcome to WAGS. My OH has been in the army for 6 years now and we have been together for a year and 1/2 . He is currently away in afghan on a tour but in 23 days our tour is over YIPPEEEE!!! I think it is natural to be worried. Natural that all these thoughts and emotions get thrown up becuase it is something completly new and you think " how the hell will I cope"?? But the thing is ... I don't know how, but you just do. I spent all my time with my OH before he left. I couldn't imagine 7 months without him and was truley devastated when the news came of his tour. I cried so so hard for such a long time. But you know what I got through it. I feel extremely proud of us and what we have achieved as a couple. We have discovered each others worst most horrid flaws through this tour but come away feeling stronger, closer, understanding each other so well. I guess what I'm trying to say is, there are wonderful advantages to dating a man in the forces, you know each other better than any civvie couple would.
Another key piece of advice... as with any relationship.. but i suppose more so in the forces.. talk openly about how you feel about things make sure your OH knows how you feel and what you are concerned about and he will do his best to reassure you!!
You sound like you are making every effort to prepare yourself for what lies ahead and I think you will be a super navy wag. At the end of the day, you have to roll with the punchs... write in your dairy in pencil ( as plans always change) and just learn from every new experience. As I always say its one hell of a adventure and you never ever ever get bored!! Its a new chapter of your life, try not to worry too much.
As for watching black hawk down... you sound as crazy as me... never watch that when your OH is away ( thats my top top tip).. I did and I cried all morning.. bad day that was , real bad day.. lol:D
Anyway hun, after my massive essay I will say farewell, but hope I have managed to reassure you a little bit that you will cope just fine as if i can... trust me , anyone can
Lucy XXX
HI hun, welcome to wags..... my oh is in iraq just now.... home in 2 weeks for rnr!!! woo woop.... the girls have said it all!!!
Just wanted to welcome you xx
Hiya Miss Juice, just to say in certain terms I really know how you feel!
Sorry to bore others who have heard my story but here it is for you.
I got together with OH while he was still in the regular army, but knowing that he was leaving on medical ground. Phew, thought I, it must be hard being an army girlfriend, lucky escape for me! [Can you see where this is going?!]
So he got a job in the City and moved to live in London which is where I live too, and we went about having a nice relationship. He joined the TA for a bit of fun at wknds but as the reason he was discharged from the army was that his medical problem made him undeployable, I wasn't worried about him being called up.
But as the months went on (and probably at least partly ndue to not eating officer's mess lardy stodge) his health condition improved. The TA sent him for a medical and deployed him to Afghanistan, where he is now.
And as the reason for him leaving the army, which he loved, is now gone, he is seriously considering rejoining.
So I do know how you feel in that sense of, you feel a bit taken by surprise - "I didn't sign up for this!"
I suppose all I can say is, if it makes him happy then you have to support that (obviously up to a point - if poking you with a stick made him happy you wouldn't support that!) and in the end it will be better for your relationship if he is feeling fulfilled.
And we are all here to tell you that being an army wag is not only do-able, it's great!
[my top tip - at low points, just close your eyes and think of the uniform....:D]
Welcome to Wags hun. It is scary, but i believe that it makes you stonger as a couple. Been with my OH for almost a year and a half and i still get that excited feeling whenever we are together. So many of my civi mates dont get that anymore. It is major tough being apart and not being able to make plans but if you both love each other you can get through it.
My OH is in Afghan at the moment and i do get plenty of ups and downs but i wouldnt change it.
You have come to the right place for support hun, so hopefully chat soon xxxx
Hi hun, a very warm Welcome to WAGs :D xx
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