My one liners

[loobylu]

What's the difference between chopped beef and pea soup?
Everyone can chop beef, but not everyone can peeee soup!!!


Two peanuts walk into a bar.
One was a salted.


:D

[.x.Emma.x.]

:D U nutter!!!

Whats orange and sounds like a parrot???


A CARROT!!!

x

[loobylu]

LOL.... I love that emma... actually laughed out loud.. Oh I will remeber to tell my OH that one when he phones!! :D :D :D

[waiting]

I've posted it in here before but it's still one of my favourites

Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
Because he was feeling crumby.


and another one to make the kids howl


Why was tigger looking in the toilet?
He was trying to find Pooh.

[priscilla]

Haha, have just laughed out loud in the office (it's been that kind of a day...)!

2 circles walk into a bar. One turns to the other and says "your round".

x

[loobylu]

Did you hear about the man who listened to the match?
He burnt his ear.

Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in the mud and cross again?
He wanted to be a dirty double crosser

What do you call a chicken in a shell suit?
An egg

What has four legs, whiskers, a tail and flies?
A dead cat

[waiting]

What has 4 legs and one arm?
A Doberman in a children's playground!


I have some dead baby ones that make me howl but other's might find offensive. Should I share them?

[loobylu]

Well i wouldn't like to say. I'm very open minded.. and find most things funny. LOL :D

[priscilla]

I don't mind - could do with an un-PC laugh!

x

[waiting]

I will save the dead baby jokes for now and share some of these:

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs flying over a fence?
Homer

What do you call a grl with no arms and no legs lying on a tennis court?
Annette

What do you call a girl with no arms and no legs stuck in a fence?
Barb

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs hanging on a wall?
Art

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs lying in the leaves?
Russell

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs on stage?
Mike

[loobylu]

Excellent!! Love it!!

[waiting]

I can't hold them in any longer. I will only give my three favourtie dead baby jokes. If you get offended by such things, please skip to the next post.




Why did the dead baby cross the road?
He was stapled to the chicken

How do you tell if a baby is dead?
The dog plays with it more

What's a present you get for a dead baby?
A dead puppy.