Lizzy
,
Hi,
It seems odd asking for advice on a forum, but my friend suggested I should see if there is one for wife’s and girlfriends in the services, as they themselves don’t really know what I am going through-and she found this for me! Wel... where to start, its been one awful weekend really. I am 21 and graduating from uni this year, although I am doing a PGCE next year. My boyfriend (or ex, not really sure) off nearly two years is based at culdrose and passes out this summer. Since I have been with him I have always wondered if I can cope with his job, but now that I am having to think about the future and him potentially being deployed to a ship in the next year, his job is becoming very realistic. I am in the URNU and so respect his job, and would think about the reserves myself, but I just don’t know if I can cope with not seeing him for however long ships are away for. He could tell something was wrong, and was visiting me at uni this weekend, and so he said we should talk, and thats when it all came out-how I was confused and unsure etc. Also in the time i have been with him i have known to helicopters come down with people die, that either he knew well or the other pilots knew, so that worries me. We both ended up crying and hugging each other, but he visited his dads, and then ended up coming back that night as he said he wanted to fight for what we have, and do whatever he can. He has signed up for 6 years (although that wont get him a full pension) from when he passes out, and seem that I am an emotional person that stresses and worries alot I am not sure how I would manage. Do bases tend to have things happening for wifes/girlfriends of people who are away?
He loves me that is clear, and I think I am trying to distance myself as I don’t know what I want and am VERY confused. He said he cant see himself being with anyone else, but that he wants me to be happy, and understands his job isn’t too conducive to a relationship and that maybe I do deserve someone who can always be there. But I just don’t want to hurt him say 2 years down the line when we are closer and I decide I cant cope. So after a long talk, as I would like to move to Canada eventually and not sure he could come, we decided to have a break until I know what I want. But we decided that we would see each other before my term finishes in March. Seeing him so upset was awful, as he then said he would take me back in a heartbeat. We have always has a long distance relationship so I am used to that, but Its the long periods of time he will be away i am not sure if I can manage or even want.
There is a guy at uni who I am good friends with and people have asked if anything is happening between us or if that is having an effect, with me just using my boyfriends job as an excuse. Well his job has always been there, as i said right from the start at the back of my mind and this lad wasn’t around then, and I don’t know if it just cos this other lad is at uni so i chat to him more that is making me question my relationship, as my boyfriend obviously isn’t around as much. Although I am not sure if its just cos im confused, and yes scared and worried about if i can cope with his job, that I am potentially trying to think of other reasons why things might not be right. People say me and my boyfriend are very compatible with each other and that they thought we would get married (something I do need is for it to slow down a bit maybe), and I agree. I still care about him alot and him hugging me before he left made me feel so safe. Hugging, both crying and we gave each other a kiss on the cheek before he left the weekend early so we can ‘have a break’ just doesn’t seem right-we hadn’t even argued!!
HELP please-I am confused!!
It seems odd asking for advice on a forum, but my friend suggested I should see if there is one for wife’s and girlfriends in the services, as they themselves don’t really know what I am going through-and she found this for me! Wel... where to start, its been one awful weekend really. I am 21 and graduating from uni this year, although I am doing a PGCE next year. My boyfriend (or ex, not really sure) off nearly two years is based at culdrose and passes out this summer. Since I have been with him I have always wondered if I can cope with his job, but now that I am having to think about the future and him potentially being deployed to a ship in the next year, his job is becoming very realistic. I am in the URNU and so respect his job, and would think about the reserves myself, but I just don’t know if I can cope with not seeing him for however long ships are away for. He could tell something was wrong, and was visiting me at uni this weekend, and so he said we should talk, and thats when it all came out-how I was confused and unsure etc. Also in the time i have been with him i have known to helicopters come down with people die, that either he knew well or the other pilots knew, so that worries me. We both ended up crying and hugging each other, but he visited his dads, and then ended up coming back that night as he said he wanted to fight for what we have, and do whatever he can. He has signed up for 6 years (although that wont get him a full pension) from when he passes out, and seem that I am an emotional person that stresses and worries alot I am not sure how I would manage. Do bases tend to have things happening for wifes/girlfriends of people who are away?
He loves me that is clear, and I think I am trying to distance myself as I don’t know what I want and am VERY confused. He said he cant see himself being with anyone else, but that he wants me to be happy, and understands his job isn’t too conducive to a relationship and that maybe I do deserve someone who can always be there. But I just don’t want to hurt him say 2 years down the line when we are closer and I decide I cant cope. So after a long talk, as I would like to move to Canada eventually and not sure he could come, we decided to have a break until I know what I want. But we decided that we would see each other before my term finishes in March. Seeing him so upset was awful, as he then said he would take me back in a heartbeat. We have always has a long distance relationship so I am used to that, but Its the long periods of time he will be away i am not sure if I can manage or even want.
There is a guy at uni who I am good friends with and people have asked if anything is happening between us or if that is having an effect, with me just using my boyfriends job as an excuse. Well his job has always been there, as i said right from the start at the back of my mind and this lad wasn’t around then, and I don’t know if it just cos this other lad is at uni so i chat to him more that is making me question my relationship, as my boyfriend obviously isn’t around as much. Although I am not sure if its just cos im confused, and yes scared and worried about if i can cope with his job, that I am potentially trying to think of other reasons why things might not be right. People say me and my boyfriend are very compatible with each other and that they thought we would get married (something I do need is for it to slow down a bit maybe), and I agree. I still care about him alot and him hugging me before he left made me feel so safe. Hugging, both crying and we gave each other a kiss on the cheek before he left the weekend early so we can ‘have a break’ just doesn’t seem right-we hadn’t even argued!!
HELP please-I am confused!!