View Full Version : well he's gone
Hi all, it has been a while since I last posted, he left for Iraq last weekend, so I have officially survived my first week - only just!
It was the hardest thing I have had to do letting him go but I did it. I of course spent the evening crying and then couldn't sleep, then spent the whole of the next day in bed and of course crying. I then set about trying to be normal, but of course its not is it, he makes it normal. I know I will feel better eventually, but of course June feels like ages away, and this last week seems to have gone on forever.
I can't say any of this to him because he has enough on his plate and I know he misses me too, but I really don't know if I can do this, I love him so much and I just keep thinking there is another two years of this when he does his RN duty starting at the end of the year.
He told me I knew what I was getting into when we started going out - did I heck! I had no idea how much I was going to fall for him, and how hard this was going to be.
I had no idea he was not going to want anything to do with me pretty much the week before he left. I think that is what made this so difficult, he didn't want to hold me or talk to me or anything before he left, the detachment process was the most difficult. I just wanted to be held and told that it was all going to be fine, but he just had stuff to do - even up to the last half an hour before he left!
When I really think about it, I just know that ultimately I don't want to be without him, so if I have to deal with this for a few months that I guess is better than nothing. I just hope we get stronger when he gets back.
Is it wise to discuss your feelings with them while they are away I'm guessing not, you just find your way of coping and maybe speak when they get back?
I'm really going to need you guys! I'm not doing well! Love Charlie xxx :(
Hi,
I completely understand hunny. My hubby leaves on 18th Feb for 6 months and i'm really dreading it. It's the longest he's been away and i don't know how i'm going to cope!! :(
I'm definately going to need to be able to speak to people who understand what i'm going throught.
Where you living??
Take care and keep your chin up
J xx
Keep coming here Charlie, and we will help you through!
I think it's ok to tell him you miss him and it sucks that he's gone, because it does. But don't make all your convos and letters about how hard it is, how you wish he didn't have to go and you want him back right now. He is in the military, he will go for training and deploy away from you. You need to figure out how to cope with that because you can't change that.
I talked about the little things that happened each day, tried to make them funny, so he could slip right back into my life when he got back. Keeping busy is very important, and find somethig new to do when he is gone. I decided to try running, and it was the best thing I have ever done for myself. Helps me cope.
Stay strong Charlie!
I'm in a little place called Frome, but travel between there and Bristol which is where OH lives.
charlie, whats your oh do in the navy?
my oh works on the navy harrier jets...............hope that you are ok hun? honestly the first few weeks are the worse and then the rountine kicks in and you will be fine, it flies by! my oh is away till the start of march.....know its not as long as your oh, but we can count down together hun if you want x x
awww hunni, u have sed u don't want to be without him so ultimately that is wat will see you thru. I was only goin out with my fella a week b4 he got posted to iraq!!! it was hard can't lie, constantly missin sum1 but u got to look to end goal. RnR is forst so ur countdown to that. Time soon comes and goes babe. Plus he can call you mst nights from iraq which helps. When ur havin ur low days just chat to ur friends or get on here. i think between us all we have bin thru every damn problem!!! so there will always be sum1 that can give u good advice.
I understand his detachment process my oh did that wen he returned he was so distant it was awful, but u have to believe it is not you - it is just a process, he loves u thats why he doin it as he couldnt face the hurt of an abrupt goodbye. unfortunately u have to go thru these hurtful things to understand. bein with a guy in the army is a steep learning curve babe.
but its not all bad - being apart makes u know that u love that person dearly.
And u sound like u r clued up so i wish you and ur partner all the best
lxxxxx
Hey hun and welcome back to WAGS. Just making it through the first week, you have done amazingly..and i know its hard to believe but to me it does get easier. You find your own little routine and do things to keep you busy and although you'll never stop thinking of him or missing him, it won't hurt as much. Come on here as often as you can and keep super busy and June will come round quicker than you expect. *HUGE hugs* xxx
hello Charlie,
Reading your post was as though i'd written it myself, i completely understand how you are feeling. Although i was lucky and did get hugs the night before he left, i cried so hard i nearly made myself sick!
Well done for getting through the first week, you've done the worst bit, the advice i'd give you is like the others said, keep coming on here, we are all here for you and also try to keep busy, send letters e-mails, parcels, as that will be something for him you can do. Try not to look at the whole tour in one go, it will just overwhelm you, take bite sized chunks, and set yourself goals. Make sure you always have something to look forward to, even if it's going to buy a new pair of shoes.
I e-mail my OH every day, because it now forms part of my daily routine, i tell him about my day, and how i'm feeling. But i would say that you need to hold a bit of the pain your feeling from him, as he will have his own worries. And hearing you arent happy all the time will just fustrate him. I'm fortunate as i get an e-mail back nearly every other day, and i try to give him something to think about besides the tour he's doing, i talk about our Holiday we've booked for when tour is over and even silly stuff like what BBQ to get for the summer. I think it's important for them to think about normal stuff even if its for ten minutes each day.
You'll have good days where you surprise yourself by having a good laugh at something, and there will also be the not so good days when something will remind you of him, and completely knock the wind out of your sails, but as they say time is a great healer and whilst it all still seems very raw at the moment, believe me when i say you will adjust!
Just believe in yourself and know that he loves you and this will make you both stronger as individuals, and also as a couple.
I think the WAGS moto should be 'Adjust & Overcome'
I'm here if you need me pumpkin
Big hugs
Sarah
xx
See Charlie, you've just finished week 2. You go girl!!
the first few weeks are the worst.....
Keep writing letters and sending parcels....parcels take up hours of time....from collecting stuff and packing them all up..
My Oh has been away in afgan since middle of sept.... and it has now been 143 days since I saw him..... can;t believe it!!!!
Are relationship has become so much stronger and we do talk a lot about it through letters and phonecalls.
Sounds normal for him to distance himself just at the end... my OH left then ended up coming back for one night.... that was a disaster for us because I had closed down alreay!!!! Anyway we knew what was happening and it didn;t matter.
You keep going...... and the days will fly by..... keep busy, but not too busy so you don;t burn out!!!!!!
xx
Thank you peoples - you are great girls and my little salvation, god love every one of you.
I've had a good week, made a snowman threw some snowballs which was fun and it was good to have a distraction. Also got 3 more distinctions in my studies. :)
However, just hit a bit of black ice! I've come of the phone with him and he has booked his leave slap bang around mothers day!! so I innocently thought we would get a week, looks like we will get a couple of days! In case you are wondering why this is a problem - Im a Florist! So also dreading Saturday!
We are going to move in together in June/July but he wont plan or talk about it, he just says we will talk about it nearer the time, but that then gets to wedding season and time off is pretty much impossible between May and Sept! He seems so blase about the whole thing - I said that we would only get a couple of days in March and he said ah well we can make up for it in the summer - he has conveniently forgotten what I do for a living.
I need a light at the end of the tunnel, I need something to look forward to. I have been told immerse yourself in work and keep busy but my Job is fairly hideous. but my boss is a bit of a hidious cow! So much so that I missed my grandmother's funeral last year because she made me work the sat and sun! Don't get me wrong I love being a florist and will be setting up my own business when the climate is better - floral design company and workshops - I'm already planning!
I just don't know what I'm waiting for. He seems so unbothered by the fact that we wont be able to get away in March and again by the Summer. I want to leave my job but he says I shouldn't and I respect his wishes, but I don't know what to look forward to?
He asked me about my weekend and it was fairly hideous so I said I didn't want to talk about it, he said he wanted to know what had happened so I said I didn't want to dump on him when he had enough on his plate and that I would get upset, he said tell him, so I did. he then proceeded to tell me how much worse his week had been with his feet being bad and only getting a morning off etc. (I work 6 days a week and wear supports on my knees from standing all day and lifting). It seem like I should just put up and shut up. :(
He says he loves me, but I really don't know what I'm waiting for anymore. He says he wants me to be happy but he seems to do everything in his power (unknowingly) to make that not so.
I love him but do I love him enough. I have a lot of thinking to do!
As you can tell I'm freeking out and I promise I will be alot more cheerful soon. I think I need therapy! EEK! :eek:
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
ps. OH is Lieutenant Commander working in communications, navigation, IT stuff - do you know I really don't understand what he does but that is the gist!
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