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View Full Version : Arghhhh i wanna elope!!! (sorry if thats spelt wrong)


BA's Baby
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I am going completely insane and making myself sick because of this bloody wedding. Dont get me wrong im over the moon to be marrying OH and really i cant wait, but with everyone trying to offer money and then other ppl trying to convince us to reduce how much we spend im stuck in the middle and i feel like just grabbing OH going to las vegas doing it there !!
Really sorry to be ranting, i know we need happy threads :o, but i need to get this all out.
My parents are divorced so we've always had problems when it comes to disscussing me and what I should be doing with my life and blah blah blah, and im always the one running bk and forth trying to get both sides to talk to one another, trying to avoid the whole "he said, " she said" situation, but somehow always getting into that situation.
So my mum said to me last night she'll give me £8000 for the wedding which is fantastic and OH was really pleased coz we can put in £7000 and then with my dads £3500 we'd have more than enough for the venue we want with everything else paid for. But now my dads saying he thinks my mum should only pay £3500 and so should we and stick at the budget of £10,000 for the whole thing, which means no wedding at the venue we both adore. :( So i said to OH mb dads right we should put the rest of our money into savings ready for a house, he ofcourse doesnt want to do this and wants to go all out, he says coz my parents are divorced they obviously feel that we're gonna go the same way but he always says he wants to be with me for life and me to him, i really dont wanna end up like my parents.
So we had a bit of a "not seeing eye to eye discussion" (we dont call it arguing :p lol) and now im utterly depressed about the whole damn situation.
OH has got his heart sset on this venue and i really dont wanna dissapoint him, so I said i'll univite my friends and only have them in the evening, seeing as my family is huge compared to his, so that we may just about be able to afford it there. But my dad says to me well if ur OH spends all that £7000 on the wedding im going to be really dissapointed. Oh ofcourse says he doesnt care lol, but im the one whos stuck in the middle.
We stared this whole thing wrong, no one sat me down to disscuss it, ive have no idea of a budget, people keep pulling me one way or another and im seriously being to see what ppl mean when they say "you spend more time trying to please other ppl than you do yourselves".
OH has got the right idea he just wants us to have the best day, something we can look back on and be really pleased with, I want that too but obviously im being told that we cant do this or we cant do that and god i feel like giving up :(

Im really really sorry for rambling on but i cant put it on facebook so i can only rant on here..

Sarah12051986
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I think you should have the day you and your OH want.....your dad is probably just a little put out that he can't give you as much as your mum is.

At the end of the day, when its all said and done, you need to be happy with the decisions you made because you can't do it all again once its over. If you want that particular venue then go for it, let your dad be disappointed, i would rather my dad give me the whole "you spent too much" than me always regretting my decision years down the line.

....and you should refer your dad to one of these "average wedding cost" websites...he will soon see that they all cost a fortune and no-one ever walks away quids in :)

xxx

Vickyx
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Sarah's right, he probably feels bad that he cant contribute as much.

As for those average wedding cost websites.....they'll scare him. They scared me enough along with all the organisation to the point where I've decided to get married in Mauritius and have a huge party with everyone when we get home.

It eradicates a lot of issues involving stressful guestlists and organisation etc.

Im sure after some explanation your dad will see how much it means to you both and hopefully come round :)

xxx

TwinkleToes
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sarah has hit the nail on the head there!! sounds like he wants to give you all he can afford but he prob feels inadiquate if your mum gives more , my parents are divorced and altho i dont see my biological dad anymore I remember every christmas, birthday etc it used to be a competition with him trying to get one up off my mum spend more money give more pocket money etc.


remember it is your special day, you will remember this for the rest of your lives so you might aswell have the day you wanted not theirs... hope you get it sorted hun.. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

cheeky.xx
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Can you not pay for it yourself? I don't mean that in a harsh way purely in a practical way. This is what we're going to do for our wedding, my view being if it's all our own money we spend I will not feel obliged in the slightest to please other people and we can simply have the day we've always wanted as I would be exactly the same as you and just end up getting too stressed. It's worth thinking about, it's quite possible to do :D x x x

BA's Baby
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OH says the same as u guys lol, my dad did say to me that if he had the money he would give me more. I do want the day we want, suppose im gonna have to do some more convincing lol
We have £7000, well its all from OH (his bonus and afghan money) and im trying to save as much as i can, but im only on £200 an month right now so its realy difficult to save as much as i need. My mums insistant she pays money towards it, with just our £7000 we wouldnt be able to have everything we want.

Ruth1988
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Sorry, no offence hun but I wish we had that kind of money being offered to us for this wedding!

I think that fi your parents are willing to offer you the money you should accept and do what YOU and your oh want....not what they want. I know it sounds selfish but at the end of the day it's your wedding, not theirs. You don't want to look back and regret, that would be the worst thing!

xxx

waaaay_too_loved_up!!
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exactly. if they are offering you that sort of money it shouldnt be conditional, they obviously want you to have the best day or they wouldnt be trying to help you out in the first place.

I have exactly the same problem with my parents. divorced years ago. Im at uni again now, can only work enough to pay my travel costs and have recently needed a car and new laptop as physically couldnt carry on with my degree without it. Had the most horrible time because i didnt want to borrow money off either of them and feel like i owed them. My mum would give me the clothes off her own back to help me out, literally her last penny and doesnt want me ever having to worry about money. my dad wants me to 'learn lessons about real life' and how i cant have everything given to me on a plate so insisted that i had to borrow money off him, that would be a loan i have to start paying back asap.
Then they both disagreed on how much i should be spending so i spent weeks in tears after trying to find the best i could with a really small budget, and then mum telling me i should look for something better while dad tells me its still too expensive and i should set my sights lower!!

Being stuck in the middle really is the most horrible feeling in the world!

Sorry, my rambling doesnt really help your situation at all... :rolleyes:

all i can say is that the day is meant to be special for you and oh, and you shouldnt have to compromise just to please others. x

BA's Baby
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was in tears earlier today as i spoke to OH and told him all about this and he goes "I should be home" :( He keeps saying he cant wait for it to be just us, and that our day should be our day, noone else's. He just isnt the one in the middle and doesnt have to talk to my dad lol :rolleyes:

waaaay_too_loved_up!!
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thats sweet of him though wanting to be home to help you deal with it all!!!! When will he be back?

Have you tried writing down a plan of how much everything is going to cost, and how you are fitting it all into your budget? Maybe if your dad can see the figures he might realise that there arent many areas that you can compromise on?? And also, if you havent already, take him along with you to the venue you have your heart set on. Maybe when he sees how much that venue means to you he will understand a bit more. x

men and their pride though, hey!!!! i hate that divorced parents have to compete with each other!

BA's Baby
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:rolleyes: lol tell me about it!
Hes bk at the begining of december, not too far but still too far for me lol.
Ive got a rough idea of how much things are, ive been like im only spending X amount on this and that, for example flowers, i'll go and say ive got £400 what can u do for it? but the venue is the biggest amount. We wanted the parents to pay for that and that was it, the rest we can manage oursleves.
God its all hard work lol

waaaay_too_loved_up!!
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:eek: how much is the venue???!!! and where is it???? is it really costing a fortune??? im completely naive to wedding planning and costs at the moment. I know its expensive, but reckon il have such a shock when my time comes!!!!!

sheryl
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:eek: how much is the venue???!!! and where is it???? is it really costing a fortune??? im completely naive to wedding planning and costs at the moment. I know its expensive, but reckon il have such a shock when my time comes!!!!!

I looked at one place and for room hire alone it was £1500 then £85 a head they could bugger off. Holly dont say it like that. Say everything you want and ask how much they will do it for. If they hear your budget and things would cost less they will bump prices up. If you cant get everything you want say is there anything you can do and if not say you will try somewhere else. They may change there mind and if not you can always go back if you want. Also make up quotes from other places. I do that all the time haha.
My photographer is going to be with me the whole day and night at no extra cost most will only be there until toasts. But that is up to you and what you want. Any help just give me a shout. I know when we spoke on facebook the other day you joked about me being your wedding planner but I seriously will help you when you need it :D I am full of tips to get a bargain hehe

BA's Baby
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The venue, food, drink and evening is costing £10,000. thats with about 108 ppl, but ppl can drop out so it may be less. My parents are paying the venue, OH and I are paying the rest. Its Down Hall in hatfield heath, OH and I just love it there.
Thank u Sheryl, i'll definately call on u in my hour of need :D xx