View Full Version : New to this, help?!
Hey :)
I'm Beth, and I'm really new to all of this. My boyfriend left for the gulf a month ago and he comes home some time in May, not entirely sure of the dates yet. I thought I'd deal with it fine as he's based in Plymouth and I live in South Wales so it wasn't as if I saw him every day, but I'm actually finding it really hard.
I know that he's not in any immediate danger as he's only on a fleet auxhillary this time, but I still can't get rid of this constant tension I seem to have in the back of mind. The first day he went away I was in a complete mess and someone said 'I don't understand why you're so upset, it's unlikely he'll come home in a wooden box' which just seemed so awful to say, and has really stuck in my mind. I know he's going to be fine, but I still can't help but to worry, and when he's telling me he thinks the time is going really fast I'm agreeing, but thinking the complete opposite! I don't think I'd be too bad if it wasn't for him- he seems okay about being away most of the time, but before he left and every now and then on the phone he tells me he really thinks he made the wrong decision in going and he hates it that he feels like he's left me when I need him most. I put up a front and stay strong for him so he doesn't worry more about it, but just the idea of him being upset or lonely is enough to make me cry.
So I'm wondering if any of you more experienced ladies can offer some advice, give me some tips on how I can stop worrying and stay strong for him, and maybe make the time go by more quickly? May seems forever away right now :(
Thanks!
first of all welcome!!
and if im honest oh hasnt been away for a long period of time since ive been with him, but a good way to deal with it is routine, dont mop in the house as it makes it worse!!
find a hobbie or exercise class that will get you out in the evenings maybe?
set your self goals before he comes back like; loose weight, clear the house out, plans for when hes back too!!
send him letters and parcels too.
hope this helps?
also beth are u a student or do you work? xxx
Hey hun welcome!!
You have done a great job already hun keeping strong for him on the phone and things can be hard especially when they are having a sad day too.
Send lots of letters...find a new hobbie...cry when you need to cry...see friends and family as much as you can...plan things together for when he comes home...plan that outfit!!...write how you feel down...chat to us :)
Him knowing that you love him and are waiting for him will keep him strong too hun
And ignore comments like that made by people who don't understand. Where all here for you. X
hya hun welcome :)
The other girls are right, its good that you stay strong for him and let him no ur copeing well even though u are finding it hard, it will really make his life easier if he thinks your dealing with it.
OH has been away from time too time and i do think about him 24.7 but i go out with friends and keep busy hun, its the only thing u can do.
You will find a routine, and that really helps alot.
sorry ive not been much help chick but stay in touch on wags, and im sure it will pass some time once ur addicted hehe.x.
Hey :)
The first day he went away I was in a complete mess and someone said 'I don't understand why you're so upset, it's unlikely he'll come home in a wooden box' which just seemed so awful to say, and has really stuck in my mind.
Hiya and welcome,
My hubby is in the RAF, but we all stick together on here, the Army girls are very lovely and let us join in as there aren't too many of us!!
First of all, big hug, and whoever said what I've quoted above, if possible, spend as little time in their presence as possible! What an awful thing to say, it just proves they haven't got a clue. I just hope that they were trying to be helpful and just failed miserably!!
Get busy hun, book up your weekends, take up knitting :p buy a dvd box set, anything that will keep you busy. Cherish the emails and phonecalls and don't worry if you feel you are writing more than you are recieving...I think all of us feel like. Have you heard of eblueys? They are brill, get signed up, send parcels, start a countdown.
Oh and come on here lots, everyone is fab and gorgeous and if you have any questions just ask...this site has got me through three 2 month-long detatchments so far and it's just so good :)
Take care and get busy :D
xxx
First of all, hello and welcome to wags :)
Secondly, i could have wrote what you've just wrote because i use to (still do sometimes) feel exactly the same as you!
My oh is based in Germany so like yourself i dont get to see him as much as i'd like to. It's usually about 2 weekends a month that he comes home (then on leave too of course) but yet when he's away somewhere else it feels a million times worse! I'm not even entirely sure its because of how long he goes for that makes me feel as bad as i do at times, i think its more to do with the fact that i know he cant just jump in his car or on a plane and come home if i need him to! My oh is currently in Canada till March/April (like yourself i'm not entirely sure when he'll be back) but i know it's sometime around then! He's obviousy not in any danger over there but it still doesn't stop me worrying about him and makes me feel bad because i know he hates being away too (but thats his job at the end of the day so he has to deal with it)
I've found that coming on here and speaking to people in the same situation as myself has really helped me, then get into a routine (keep yourself busy), write letters to him, plan things for when he gets back etc and if you wanna cry then cry, it's no good holding it all in it will only make you feel worse.
Chin up hun and remember we'reall here if you need to talk about anything xx
Thanks girls! I'm surprised how much better I feel already, it's just a relief knowing you're not the only one.
You've all made alot of good points. What I was thinking of doing was planning a kind of fake christmas day for him, as it's the second one he's missed in a row- cook him a christmas dinner, watch telly all day, that kind of thing, nothing crazy. I've bought a few presents for him already and plan on having a huge pile for him by the time he's home as he hasn't really had any for two years, but that doesn't need much planning, just the occasional day shopping, so I'll try and focus on some more time filling things to do :) I've got loads of things planned for the last week before he's finally home, hair cuts, nail appointments, that kind of thing, it just seems to be taking sooo long to get there :( I feel like he's been gone for about a year already, and I'm only one month down out of six!
And Sarah, I'm a student, hoping to transfer from Cardiff to Falmouth end of this year to finally be nearer him :D Can't wait!
And Sarah, I'm a student, hoping to transfer from Cardiff to Falmouth end of this year to finally be nearer him :D Can't wait!
oooh thats cool what you studying? xxx
Hi bessie :) What part of the service is your partner?
Nice to meet you, im Kirsty-Louise. I guess i cant really suggest much as the girls seemed to have covered the immediate things that poped into my mind. Just thought i would let you lknow your not alone in all of this, and welcome you too the kingdom of wagdom :)
xxxx
Hi bessie :) What part of the service is your partner?
Nice to meet you, im Kirsty-Louise. I guess i cant really suggest much as the girls seemed to have covered the immediate things that poped into my mind. Just thought i would let you lknow your not alone in all of this, and welcome you too the kingdom of wagdom :)
xxxx
more like the kingdom of addiction :P
oooh thats cool what you studying? xxx
Interior design :) I work part time at a finance company too but it's so boring :| I'm only doing it to save up for when he's home.
Atm he's in the RNR- he broke his wrist quite badly just over a year ago and got declined by the marines, but he's hoping it's strong enough now for him to reapply when he's home. It's that or finally leave the navy and become a snowboarding instructor in France- you'd swear he wasn't happy until he's in a different county to me lol :) xxx
Hey BessieMay! You have def come to the right place, as most girls here have been in your situation, or are going through it right now. Just have to keep strong, and whenever you need to vent or a moan, just come on here and we will certainly try our hardest to help you out xxx
Interior design :) I work part time at a finance company too but it's so boring :| I'm only doing it to save up for when he's home.
Atm he's in the RNR- he broke his wrist quite badly just over a year ago and got declined by the marines, but he's hoping it's strong enough now for him to reapply when he's home. It's that or finally leave the navy and become a snowboarding instructor in France- you'd swear he wasn't happy until he's in a different county to me lol :) xxx
Ahh cool :) OH is a Marine, currently based in Scotland but off down Yeovilton in May.
Oooo i can ski but would love to learn to snow board!!!
Sarah that is very true, kingdom of addiction xxx
Ohh where in Scotland? Mine was based in faslane for a month before he left for the gulf :)
Just got my first parcels from him actually- the day I finally sign up and moan on here seems to be the day he bombards me with emails and presents, it's as if he knew I was being pathetic lol. Lots of perfume and cute notes, and the biggest top I've ever seen saying 'Guns don't kill people, we kill people' from one of the US bases :s Hahaha. Nice of him! xxx
hey hun, welcome to wags..
It does suck them being away and u r gonna have ur days of complete ****e when all u feel is down.. thats normal to expect!!! but the other girls r right, keep super busy, get parcels ready and write a bluey when ur free...I also found that writting a lil diary of my feelings helped share the load of my mind even if it was only on paper....Make shorter countdowns....dont count till end of tour as that seems really daunting!! count to r n r or to someones bday or till when ur next sending ur parcel...it makes things seem shorter asnd more do-able...
Try and keep super positive on the phone to him... ihe doesnt want to be away as much as u dont want him away.. i no keeping strong is easier said than done tho....
come on here as much as possable and we will hopefully keep ya busy...
much love.xx
Thanks girls.
I feel abit rubbish as his phone card has broken, and he's emailed me saying he feels like he's failing me- how on earth can he think that :( Does anyone know about the internet access on ships? He's told me they've got internet access on there now, but does that mean he'll only get a certain amount of minutes for it a week like the phones?
xxx
Thanks girls.
I feel abit rubbish as his phone card has broken, and he's emailed me saying he feels like he's failing me- how on earth can he think that :( Does anyone know about the internet access on ships? He's told me they've got internet access on there now, but does that mean he'll only get a certain amount of minutes for it a week like the phones?
xxx
No u can use however much and how u want, but u cant get on like facebook and normal emails only ship mail... u can do things like online banking, google search amazon etc....but its really restricted.. obviously when signals are down u dont get any mail at all.xxx
I know about the ship mail, as he normally emails me two or three times a day, but he said they've now got access to facebook on there too, although it's apparently quite slow and they can't use facebook chat on there and things. He didn't tell me that he wouldn't be able to mail all the time though due to signal :( Another problem I've had too is that they're charging me to post him things, when his mother said I should be having it sent for free due to the deployment he's on- is there any way I can prove whether they should be charging or not? Sorry for being so hopeless and not knowing much about anything! xxx
I know about the ship mail, as he normally emails me two or three times a day, but he said they've now got access to facebook on there too, although it's apparently quite slow and they can't use facebook chat on there and things. He didn't tell me that he wouldn't be able to mail all the time though due to signal :( Another problem I've had too is that they're charging me to post him things, when his mother said I should be having it sent for free due to the deployment he's on- is there any way I can prove whether they should be charging or not? Sorry for being so hopeless and not knowing much about anything! xxx
where did u say ur oh was.....mine was in oman, that sorta area and it was free......go to a different post office if not as one place charged me and the others didnt......also if u are sending lots of letters i had to put stamps on mien and pay...put them in a brown big envelope it will be classed as a parcel then and it will be free..... yer the internet pages on there take forever to load....as for facebook other half said thats news to him....but they mgiht!!!!! he not long be back and he didnt have facebook on his ship..
In security state phones and mail are down...which is poop......hope that kinda answers ur questions.xx
He's just left the US base in Bahrain at the mo, they were there for three weeks over chrismas/new years for ship maintenance, but they sailed again today. I've been sending things out in shoeboxes to him, and the post office told me I had an initial fee of just £5 but I'd have to pay a further £20 on top if I wanted to send more! I went back there to post a second and was seen by someone else who charged me just £5 again but when I told his mother she got really annoyed, as the Operation he's on should be showing as free on their systems or something, and she hasn't had to pay a thing. I'll try somewhere else next time, it's just annoying as the post office is right round the corner. Thanks for your help! :) xxx
ahhh yer thats realy ****e ur having to pay...as far as im aware u really shouldnt have to...
http://www.bfpo.mod.uk/bfponumbers_home.htm
have a look ont here and there is a phone number on the left.... might be worth giving them a call and finding out for sure....Could it be ur paying as ur parcels are over the certain weight????
xx
Maybe :/ That's why I didn't mind paying for the first one, as I'd filled it with books and films for christmas, but the second one was just sweets and tea bags! :s
Ahh thanks, I'll have a look on there tomorrow and give them a ring if needs be :) xxx
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