View Full Version : I feel like I have been ripped apart
Well some of u will have seen my previous thread about me finding out Lee was sending dirty texts and pics to girls etc.
That happened on fri nite, over weekend we talked loads and we weren't together but we were pretty much saying we can't give up on us yet. Mon and tues it has been back to normal in many ways, sleeping together etc.
He said he was goin to make biggest effort in world to get me back fully.
I cam home from work an hour early 2day, I was only gone and hour and a half. To walk in on him with his top off, trousers undone on web cam talking dirty to three girls. WTF?
I have kicke him out completely, made him fill up his car with bin bags full of clothes and his crap. I still have loads here to sort but he couldn't fit anymore in.
I am distraught. I feel so empty and ripped apart. 4 days and he is back doin it again, how can I mean anything to him? I don't know what to do with myself. He has gone to Wales and will go to new posting for Monday. I just, duno :( never been this upset in my life. Feel my life has come to an end. I know it hasn't rele and that's over dramatic but that is how it feels right now :( x
Zoe Luvs Her SoldierBoi x
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:( *BIG MAHOOSIVE HUGS* hunnie, i can imagine how sh*t your feeling :( you are soooo better off without him hun, you deserve soooo much better than that !! It was probs for the best you caught him in the act coz othawise just think you could of been going on thinking he'd changed but obviously he hasnt. I wish i could give you a proper hug :( i know you must be hurting so much now but give it some time. So is that it now ?? x x x x x xx
hey hun, so sorry to hear this. but at least you can now be sure that you have made the right decision, he was obviously never going to change and you know that now.
from the comments on your fb sounds like you've got plenty of good friends to help you get through this and we're always here to chat too.xxxx
:eek: What a horrible way to find out what a true scumbag he is!!
There is nothing I can say at the moment to stop you hurting, but if there is anything positive to come out of this horrid, horrid situation, at least you know FOR SURE that he doesn't deserve your time, effort and most especially your love.
Well done for kicking him out hun. That must have been hard because I know you felt guilty about him not having anywhere to go, but he has had more than enough chances with you. What a total and utter pr ick he is.
Big hugs, get your girly mates round, have lots of wine, cry a lot!!!
xxx
Oh hun im so sorry! That must have been awful!!! But like the other girls have said, at least you know for sure now that all he was saying to you was just talk, and he hasnt changed one bit! Good for you for kicking him out, he needs to realise he cant get away with sh*t like that.
Hope you are ok hun, it will be hard at first, as that was prob a huge shock, but before long you will realise how much better off you are without him!!!
Oh hun big hugs to u, what a horrible way to find out. Can't imagine how you feel at the moment. At least you know the truth about him. Big hugs xxx
awwww i just wanna hug u.. u poor thing what a lying scum bag.....im angry for u and just so sad for u... But the other girls are right. he doesnt deserve you or ur love and was obviously not ever going to change.....Please dont even give him the time of day or feel so nagative towards urself ( i.e ur facebook status) u r worth a million of him and u should stick two fingers up at him and thank him u got out now and that u will find someone who truly deserves u..
u no where we all are....p.s loving the new profile picyy... let him no what he has missed..lol... keep smiling if u can...xxxxxxxxx
Oh hun - big huge hugs!!! What a sad sad man!!! I hope one day you'll be able to look back on walking in on him and be able to smirk at how stupid and pathetic he must have looked trying to get kicks on a webcam to a bunch of strangers. He had a perfect woman and threw you away. In a way, it's good that you did catch him in the act because you have closure on this and like the others have said, you know you've made the right decision. Well done on kicking him out there and then, you'd been more than fair on him. Yes, you're going to be down for a while while you 'mourn' the end of this relationship. But soon you'll pick up and you'll realise the lucky escape you've had and that your life hasn't ended at all, it's just begun!!!! :)
Chin up chick, he soooo didn't deserve you!
xxx
Bug hugs hun xxx
I agree with the others, you tried to give him the benefit of the doubt and sort things through but the fact you actually caught him in the act will hopefully give you the closure you need. That should tell you that after everything, he was still carrying on and therefore is not worth anymore of your time.
I agree with Manuiti, in time you be able to look back on this and laugh at how ridiculous he is. I know you probably dont feel it now but it really does sound like you have had a lucky escape chick xxxxx
Sending you a massive hug hun, how gutting to walk in and find him like that, i do agree with the other girls that at least by catching him in the act he can't lie anymore or try n win you round. I really don't know what to say but at least you do know the truth now. Don't beat yourself up over it he's the looser not you x x x
I cant believe it what a beep!
Huge hugs thou, and concentrate on you, try and get his stuff out of your house asap!
Did he try and justify it?
xx
You must be feeling very raw... but I believe this is the best thing that could have happened to you. This is your lucky escape - you being the amazing woman you are would have done everything to save this relationship and always given him the benefit of the doubt. There is no doubt now, no questioning your choice - it is all very clear cut... be kind to yourself honey he didn't deserve you.
BIg hugs to you hun cant imagine how your feeling right now x
He tried blaming me. Sent me a long text last nite blaming me (which he text apologising for this morning). He has text about 10 times and phoned i duno how many times and I not replying, I really cant talk to him right now.
Some of his mates and my bro have turned around and said that he was technically single and technically having a wank isnt a crime, the girls on web cam were his form of porn. They say I have completley over reacted. Have I?
I dont think it is right to be on cam to any other girls like that. My mates say I am right but I just duno. Finding that I am prob making excuses for him now tho x
Zoe Luvs Her SoldierBoi x
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He tried blaming me. Sent me a long text last nite blaming me (which he text apologising for this morning). He has text about 10 times and phoned i duno how many times and I not replying, I really cant talk to him right now.
Some of his mates and my bro have turned around and said that he was technically single and technically having a wank isnt a crime, the girls on web cam were his form of porn. They say I have completley over reacted. Have I?
I dont think it is right to be on cam to any other girls like that. My mates say I am right but I just duno. Finding that I am prob making excuses for him now tho x
you havent over reacted whatsoever hun what hes dun is wrong !!! why doesnt he do what any other normal man does and get a porn mag, to me sitting on the webcam doing all that infront of another girl isnt some kind of porn ! Why not do what my OH does and go on porn on his mobile haha thats what i usually find on his phone when he comes home lol. be realistic hun you know what hes done isnt acceptable. You gave him another chance and as far as im aware hes blown it big time. Im sooo angry for ya :mad: To me if he cant stop then he has got some issues, hes in a relationship but yet he actually cant help himself doing it. And as for him tryin to blame you :eek: cheeky sod !! i know you say hes apologised now but seriosuly how the hell can he blame you for this, its all his doing and hes brought it on himself x x x x x
Grrrr - no you haven't overreacted. You guys were still sleeping together and he was saying he was going to do everything to win you back properly. So not really single at all if you ask me. And even if you argue he was single, him saying he was going to win you back means him sorting his issues with doing exactly what you caught him doing, so he wasn't exactly making a good impression. If you'd never met the guy, would you want to go out with him if you knew he did what you caught him doing? Doubt it. So why shouldn't you say I don't want you in my life, what you get up to in your spare time really isn't for me.
You've totally done the right thing sweetie.
xxx
I'm so sorry hun xxx I don't think you have over-reacted at all, I think it was amazing you took him back after just the phone messages, but there is no way in hell he should be forgiven for what you walked in on. I wouldn't allow it end of but especially seeing as he was supposed to be on his best behaviour proving himself. I wonder what he would have thought if he walked on u doing the same with a group of guys on the webcam? He has a problem, if he couldnt even control himself for the sake of his relationship he seriously isn't worth the hassle. There is no way you could ever trust him again so you're right to break it off now. And what he did was as good as cheating, especially as he knew how hurt you were from other things, so he knows he's in the wrong. We're all here for u hun xxx
you are completely not in the wrong hun, I dont care what the other guys are saying, even if he was 'technically single' that is still horrible what he did!!! And like Manuiti has said, he was supposed to be trying to win you back, is that what he calls sorting out his problems and trying to sort your relationship out??? He def has issues, and he can try and turn it on you all you want but you havent done anything wrong at all love!
I say you should be thanking him, for making you realise what an a*se he is, and making you realise you dont need to be with someone who does that behind your back in your own house!!!
Thanks girls, I didnt think I was in the wrong really. Just had to check lol.
I cant eat :(. I threw up last nite and I cant eat today. I want to curl up in bed right now but instead I now have to go to work :(.
I just cant get my head around how he could hurt me sooooo much, when I loved him sooooo much :(.
I told my parents everything and I was sooo embarrassed, having to say what I found him doin. I have never felt so horrible. x
Well done for telling your parents. Can't have been easy but hopefully they will be there for you which is just what you need. How did they react?
xxx
Well done for telling your parents. Can't have been easy but hopefully they will be there for you which is just what you need. How did they react?
xxx
Mum is worried about me and phoned earlier. Dad was in shock and could hardly say anything when I told him.
Lee keeps texting, 9 messages he has sent now and I haven't replied to one. I miss him so much, but I know I miss a person that never rele existed, he was all a fake x
Just caught up on this!
What a disgusting man!!!!!!! I would of ripped him to pieces if i'd of caught my OH doing that!! The fact you gave him 2 chances, both of which he didnt deserve and then he does this! What an absolute loser!
You are worth so much more than that cheating scumbag, good on you for chucking him out!! Of course you still miss him etc. but with the support of your family and friends (and us girls), you'll be just fine!
x
Humpf - seems like Lee likes texting though! :mad: He doesn't deserve a reply from you after what he's done.
Glad your parents are concerned for you and checking up on you. You're doing so well hun, just take things one day at a time.
Big cuddles!
xxx
I'm sorry I'm a bit late on this one. I hope you're doing ok today sweetie. Big Hugs xxx
There is something wrong with his head. There are things he is doing that have warning bells going in my brain. His behaviour is horrid. No doubt about that. 'technically single and having a wank' please. Is he an animal or a human? Stupid excuse. But what bugs me more than that is that YOUR brother came and defended him. He is a con artist and a liar. He has gone to our friends and your family to convince them you are crazy and he's innocent. And he's done it.
He's tried to convince you you are crazy and he is right. He convinced you to allow him to stay in your house even though you were broken up and he was an a.s.s.
He's good.
He cannot leave you alone. That is also a bit crazy. You have said no, it's over. If things were reversed and you kept texting him for one more chance, begging him to just listen because you can explain it away, you'd be crazy. It's no different for him just because he's a boy.
Get him out of your life before he gets worse. Keep telling yourself he is a con artist and a liar. You cannot trust what comes out of his mouth.
Oh hun, what a complete and utter creep (and that's wording it politely). He doesn't deserve you in the slightest and I am so mad that he could treat you in this way.
I think the girls have given you some great advice and I would say the same so I won't bore you with repeating it all. Just know that you did nothing wrong, you deserve better, you will find better and we are all here to help you at ANY time.
Big hugs x x x
Noooo, as if you have over reacted .... you have probably under reacted by not ripping his balls off ...... Im so sorry you had to witness that, and its going to be something u prob wont ever forget :( You really are better off .. and in time you will realise that you seeing him in that way, got you out of a lot of trouble long term ........ Huuuuuuuuuge cuddles to you xxxxxxxxxxx
oh my god darling... i dont know what more to say than whats already been said.
he doesnt deserve you and he will realise this one day. He obv doesnt believe it is over because you two have worked things out before so he is prob hoping he will talk you around again so please please be strong.
He is the kind of bloke which gives every decent man a bad name... there are some lovely ones out there hun, which will idolize you and wouldnt dream of hurting you... please dont waste your energy on him... put it into yourself and finding out what you want.
You are lucky to find out now, and not when your further down the line and wrapped up in his lies. He will learn the hard way and will know he screwed up. we are all here for you honey xxxxx
oh hunni, i'm so sorry to read this (sorry i'm a bit late on this too), what a scumbag!!!! you've defo done the right thing, you tried to sort things out and he goes and does that!!! honestly it just shows the type of person he really is and you deserve better than that my lovely.
i hope ur ok and remember times a great healer. it may take a while but you will feel better and you will come out the other side and meet someone who will treat you as you deserve to be treated.
huge hugs xxx
oh hun im so sorry. but in the long run u know he will never change and its best to deal with this now then to leave it for longer and him take the piss even more. keep strong xx
You've totally done the right thinkg by kicking him out! Like everyone on here has said, you're worth more than this and no you have not over reacted....I'm surprised you kept your cool, I'd have took off in that situation!!
Keep ignoring him hun, the least thing he deserves right now is any of your time. Sending you big hugs!!
X x X x X
Thanks for all kind words and support girls.
I am having a hard time at mo as he has now changed his phone number, deleted all his contacts minus close friends and family. Deleted every Internet account. Changing his email address etc. He has been with his cousin this last week since it happened and his cousin has been telling me how much he is determined to change and get me back.
I have always gone with gut feeling and been right and my gut feeling at mo tells me he means it. But I worry that is the way I feel as I wish more than anything none of this had happened and we were back to our normal selfs again.
He seems so determined. His family are saying they have never seen him so down. I just don't know what to think.
He wanted to come back from Wales yday and come to mine before he goes to his new posting today but I wouldn't let him. I still can't face him. We were/are such good mates that even if we don't ever go back as a couple I want to stay mates. Is that wrong?
There is a show we were both meant to be goin to on 7th august and I have suggested maybe I will see him then. That's 3 more weeks away so I thought it would give us both loads more space and also something to sorta look forward to. If I don't want to meet still nearer the time then I won't. I mean meet as mates aswell. What do u think girls?
Xx
Hun, at the end of the day you have to think of your long term happiness, not just what's going to make you feel better just now and make it easier for you in the short term. But that's your decision.
I think you're right to not see him just yet. And you know what if he's that determined to win you back, that's fine, let him make the effort. What he's done in terms of new number, accounts etc is good - it's start - but it's no where near good enough for you to take him back in my opinion. There is nothing in the actions there that proves that with his new number he won't start up again with his old behaviour and nothing says that he won't get tempted at some point to open a new account. So yes, he's making some effort but what effort he has made wasn't difficult to do. The difficult bit is proving to you that he's not going to get tempted again and go back to his old behaviour and also making up for the wrong he's already done. That is going to take time and A LOT of effort on his part. So if in a few months you decide that you would be willing to give him another chance, then he needs to have been working his butt off to win you back for those months and then some! Whatever you do, don't be tempted to take him back because you're scared he'll get bored of trying and not bother any more. If he's able to do that then he wouldn't be worth you taking him back in the first place.
Focus on you hun and looking after #1.
xxx
I'll second that too......it's all very well that he's got a new number, deleted accounts etc but that doesn't mean he wont do it again.
If the half a*sed attempt is all it takes for you to take him back, so be it but i think you've got more up there than you're giving yourself credit for and i know you will make him put in the effort to prove he means it this time....even if you'll only ever end up as being friends.
Do what you feel is right because at the end of the day, you know yourself better than anyone else therefore you'll know if you're making the right decisions.
X x X x X
Ohno, I've only just read this. That is absolutely horrible! So you found out he was messaging girls - he got all upset & promised not to do it again, then a few days later you walked in and caught him in the act? That does not sound like the behaviour of a man who is very sorry. If you hadn't have walked in on him doing that you might've tried to forgive him and take him back, and you'd have no idea that sort of behaviour was going on behind your back.
Does he realise what he has in you?? You are so damn pretty and such a lovely girl. I'm sorry for sounding harsh I know it's not as black & white as "Kick him out" for most people. Like everyone has said you know yourself and him better than any of us do, so you just need to look out for number one now x
I know, him changing number and deleting accounts etc doesnt come close to making up for any of what he has done or proove he wont do it again. I think it does show at the moment how sorry he is.
I am not going to turn around and take him back, at the mo I doubt very much I ever could, even tho that is so hard to say right now. It will take months to ever get back a small part of what we had, yet alone a full relationship ever.
At the moment he is still in shock from being caught and suddenly being all alone, he needs to get his head together and if he is still the same with doing everything he can to get me back in months and months to come then maybe I will talk to him more about it.
I know deep down I am worth more than how he has treated me. I guess I am still in shock of one minute being perfectly happy and the next all alone and devestated. I am trying to go out with friends and get on with my life for me at the moment.
If it is meant to be then it will, even if it turns out to be years down the line. I hope I can keep remembering that and beleiving it as it is what is keeping me strong and going right now xx
Zoe Luvs Her SoldierBoi x
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Are you thinking of taking him back hun ?? im not being awful, im just saying what i think but didnt he say all this before ?! he said he was going to change and make it up to you.. but within 2-3 days he was doing it again except this time was caught in the act.
Its entirely up to you what happens as its your relationship at the end of the day and whatever we say cannot change your mind but he said all this to you before and nothing changed, what makes you think he has changed now ??
x x x x x
Are you thinking of taking him back hun ?? im not being awful, im just saying what i think but didnt he say all this before ?! he said he was going to change and make it up to you.. but within 2-3 days he was doing it again except this time was caught in the act.
Its entirely up to you what happens as its your relationship at the end of the day and whatever we say cannot change your mind but he said all this to you before and nothing changed, what makes you think he has changed now ??
x x x x x
i agree with this hun, and i dont want to sound like a bitch but whats different now to the last time? its very easy to say you wont do something again then when you know youve "got" that person again the habits creep in. Didnt he say he had a problem with it or something and couldnt stop it?.. so how is he fixing this problem?coz deleting everything wont change anything if he has an issue where he needs to text other girls!.. just from my view his wanting to change seem to be reoccuring but he isnt doing anything to actually put it into practise... you were starting to give him another chance last time and then you caught him out... he cant say you werent together so it was like a wank coz he was sleeping with you wasnt he.
I really hope im not coming across as a complete bitch im just trying to look from another perspective because i can tell how much you love him and how much you want him to change... please dont take him back lightly xx
The whole changing mobile numbers, deleting accounts etc should have been what he was doing the bloody First time he did wrong!!!! Not down the line when you caught him out!!! You are worth so so so much better than him.
His actions say to me not that he is trying to prove he has changed but actually a guy that has been caught out and his pride has been dented. He has been made to look a prize prat by being caught in the act and I think he is more embarrassed about that than anything. His whole family and frinds know that basically he was caught with his trousers down literally and he has to live with that.
At the end of the day only you know deep in your heart but I would say just be very careful, he may say he is trying to change but it could just be for other reasons than the ones he is saying.
x x x
If breaking up with Kev has taught me anything it's that I deserve to be with a man who knows what he has with me, and feels so damn lucky to have me that he wouldn't look at another girl or do anything to mess things up between us.
I think you deserve that too hun.
When I was with Kev I was so damn in love with him that I could be chatted up by the hottest damn thing I'd ever seen but I would still think "Nah, my man is hotter, jog on" and wouldn't even think twice about even having a cheeky flirt with them. And I think Lee needs to start thinking like that about you. Because you are damn hot!
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