View Full Version : How long...
... does it take to get over someone?
I know there's no right or wrong time scale, but realistically what do you think is the point where people would think "OK you really shouldn't still be crying about it now!!"
I don't ever cry about it, because he isn't worth it, and I've been on a few dates with some guy but I still miss him like crazy and it bloody hurts.
I have really no idea. I think i got over matt quickly cause we had no contact at all and that when i looked back on the relationship i could see it wasnt working. But ive thought about him recently and cried over him recently. It prob took me about a month to relise i didnt love him but Im not sure if i was over him if that makes sense? But i knew deep deep down even thou i didnt want to admit it that we wernt working.
ok that was a ramble sorry not much help1
How you doing anyway? x
I'm doing fiiiiiine. I think if I actually saw him in the flesh I would probably realise that I'm not in love with him any more to be honest... I just seem to have convinced myself that I am, because I spend so much damn time thinking about him.
I know we probably shouldn't speak and he doesn't really deserve any of my time after the way he treated me but I've never been one of those people who cuts contact after break-ups, it just never made sense to me.
Well, put it this way....i still think about my ex and worry over what happened there...but when i see him, i think "WTF did i see in him?"...i walk away thinking, actually, he drove me crazy and i'm soooooo much better off away from him.
When you're away from them though, you tend to dwell on the good times and "coulda, woulda, shoulda".
I think going out on dates is a great idea. I also think its harder for you too because he's still making little comments and stuff, and not just leaving you to get on with it xxx
oh im the same suzie, i hate cutting contact, but it was his choice and i had to respect that. I have got back into contact and he texts me a couple of times a week but when his name pops up i dont get those butterflies anymore its just nice if that makes sense?
do you still get butterflies when you speak etc,,?
x
I don't know really because i've never been in that situation. I've always been the one to end things with ex's and I've been able to walk away without still feeling something or attachment to them.
I'd imagine it would take a good few months to feel like yourself again. It depends really on how long you were with your ex because the longer you've been together, the longer i'd imagine it would take to go back to the single you. Everyone is different therefore i wouldn't imagine there was a set or acceptable timeframe where you'd be completely over your ex.
I'd give it until the end of the year and if you're still feeling the same, then maybe you're not quite getting over him. A friend that i used to work with is still in love with her ex, 3 years after they spilt up and she has been unable to move on and find someone new. It's to the point now where she completely avoids attention from men in the hope that her ex will realise he's made a mistake and will come back to her. Which is completely wrong because i know he's moved on and would want her to be happy.
X x X x X
Crikey I hope it doesn't take me 3 years to get over him!!
Well we were together for 2 years, we met just as I started my nurse training so it still feels weird doing this without him - for the past 2 years my life revolved around haggling with my bosses to change the rota so I could see him on alternate weekends, feels strange not doing that now!
I'm doing everything by the book - keeping busy, spending loads of time with my mates & doing fun things. But sometimes I sit here on a Friday night and think ... he should be here, we should be having Dominoes and wine now. Y'know still that feeling of 'something is wrong. something is missing'.
I suppose when that feeling goes I'll be alright.
The guy I'm dating isn't my type & I'm not really into him, but he knows how it is and we both want the same things for now so it works.
Yeah Sarah I do get butterflies when I speak to him, but I also get that horrible stomach lurch too. He genuinley has no idea how messed up I was when we first split and sometimes I feel like slapping him, but my inner-hippie knows that in the end, I'll get mine and he'll get his.
i really think cutting contact, even just for a while, will really help you get over him. when me and my ex split, it was on really bad terms and i didnt speak to him or see him and i was over him in months. i know for a fact that if he'd been in my life at that point i dont think i could have gotten over him. we are now back in contact, we dont talk on a regular basis but we're on each others fb's and comment on the odd thing and occasionally have the odd catch up on msn.
there's no set time to when you'll get over someone. every relationship is different and so is every break up. i hope it doesnt take you too long as i know how painful it can be, especially when it's the little things you miss. hope ur ok hun xxx
As difficult as it is, I definately think cutting contact is key. When you still have feelings for somebody, it's extremely difficult to turn that emotion off when you hear there name, let alone talk to them directly.
I stayed in contact with my ex for about 4 months after we broke up, and it just made it 10 times harder. He eventually cut contact, which broke my heart at first, but in hindsight, it was the best thing to do. He supported me at times when a majority of men would have walked away, and I didn't think I would be able to cope without that.
However, slowly but surely, I got over him. I'd say all in all it took me about 6/7 months, but I saw him in the street 2 weeks ago, and as horrible as it sounds, I felt absolutely nothing.
Sorry for rambling, but what I'm trying to say is, you will get there. You're clearly a very strong girl, so just carry on doing what you're doing.
Keep your chin up xxx
Hi Hun
Its difinately harder if you have to stay in contact with your ex as its a constant reminder of you both together.
According to charlotte from sex in the city it takes half the time of a relationship to get over one!
hope you are ok and things start to get better
xxxx
Hi Hun
Its difinately harder if you have to stay in contact with your ex as its a constant reminder of you both together.
According to charlotte from sex in the city it takes half the time of a relationship to get over one!
hope you are ok and things start to get better
xxxx
I was just about to say this!!
But I think with no contact, you can do it a lot quicker. It must be so difficult to talk to him on the phone and be all pally sweets.
Hope you feel better soon
xxx
Hope you're ok hun.
From my own experiences I have to agree with the girls that it is much easier to get over someone and move on by stopping contact. I now have 4 of my ex's as friends on facebook.....but I'd not spoken to some of them for 2-3 if not more years. We've all moved on with our lives and settled down and when I look at their profiles I wonder what the hell I ever saw in them Lol even though at the time of the breakups I was completely gutted. I can now laugh about every single one of them.
As for time I don't think you can ever put a time frame on getting over someone. One of my breakup's took me well over a year to get over and another a matter of weeks. I think sometimes it all depends on what you've got going on in your life and by the sounds of it you are doing the right thing by keeping yourself busy. x x
Thanks girls, what would I do witout you lot eh?
We don't speak on the phone really, he rang the other day because I'd text him asking a man-question about a HDMI lead but that was just a quick convo. Aside from that it's normally just the occasional quick chat on Facebook or whatever but I know you're all right ... I do need to stop it. It's stupid because I deleted his number ages ago - as soon as we broke up, but he always ends up texting me at some point so his number always ends up back on my phone somehow.
I know I'm going to be OK & I know it won't hurt forever, I'm just impatient and I want it to stop NOW. I hope it doesn't take me a year to get over him, I wanted to be hunky dory by Autumn time.
I'm also going to tell this guy I'm dating that it's not happening any more, because being with him is just making me worse because I'm constantly thinking "Kev wouldn't say that" or "Kev would do this..."
I need to be on my lonesome for a while now, I know. It's just hard, I get lonely. I'm completely comfortable with my own company - being with a marine for 2 years I had no choice but to learn to love it! But just sometimes I think "This is bloody crap..."
Thanks girls, what would I do witout you lot eh?
We don't speak on the phone really, he rang the other day because I'd text him asking a man-question about a HDMI lead but that was just a quick convo. Aside from that it's normally just the occasional quick chat on Facebook or whatever but I know you're all right ... I do need to stop it. It's stupid because I deleted his number ages ago - as soon as we broke up, but he always ends up texting me at some point so his number always ends up back on my phone somehow.
I know I'm going to be OK & I know it won't hurt forever, I'm just impatient and I want it to stop NOW. I hope it doesn't take me a year to get over him, I wanted to be hunky dory by Autumn time.
I'm also going to tell this guy I'm dating that it's not happening any more, because being with him is just making me worse because I'm constantly thinking "Kev wouldn't say that" or "Kev would do this..."
I need to be on my lonesome for a while now, I know. It's just hard, I get lonely. I'm completely comfortable with my own company - being with a marine for 2 years I had no choice but to learn to love it! But just sometimes I think "This is bloody crap..."
awww hun sounds like a good idea. it helps being on your own to get over a relationship. i hated it at first but i got to a stage where i was soooooo happy being on my own. i didnt feel like i wanted anyone. then my husband came along lol. you'll be fine, i know you will. you're so strong and you were amazing about the break up hun. honestly i wish i had your attitude about things.
hopefully he wont text you anymore, well not for a while anyway. maybe be honest with him and tell him you need a bit of space to get over it all and delete him from fb for a bit. doesnt have to be forever, just until you feel ready xxx
Zoe Luvs Her SoldierBoi x
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are you still in contact with kev hun ?? i think its that little bit harder to get over someone if your still in touch but it can happen but you never know hw long it will take. I think its good though that your still in touch with eachother coz if me and J finished i wouldnt wnt him to just disappear from my life. Can you not see it going anywhere with your new fella ?? x x x x x
Noooo Zoe, you remember me saying there was no spark or anything? Well he suddenly got really weird, I'll PM you about it but basically he just kept texting me all the time & then getting in a mood if I didn't reply - even though I can't when I'm in work. Then I got a really dodgy message on Saturday night which I just thought "I cannot deal with this" and he didn't like my reply, so I don't think we'll be seeing each other again. Which is fine by me I'd rather hold out for someone who makes my tummy do flips ;)
Yeah me & kev are in touch more now than we were. Remember when we first split and I just NEVER heard from him, but over time the comms have become more & more frequent. But it's safe - we never flirt or talk about the break up, just general chit chat. He's a great guy, I couldn't never talk to him again - despite how horrendously he treated me.
hey suzie,
how long exactly is it since you split??
with my ex it probs took me 6-7 months to get over him. i was with him for 10 years and thought we'd be together forever. he is my daughters dad, but he did the dirty on me when she wa 9 weeks old. by the time she was 14 weeks old he'd confessed & i threw him out..
i felt like my life had ended, and in fact it had (the life i had with him)...and after a few attemps of trying to work it out, i finally saw the light & realised i was a better person without him & in fact he'd done me a huge favour.
i still had to see him (because of our daughter) and it absolutely killed me @ 1st (i still wanted him soooo badly)
but with time & the fact he was being an utter n0b just made me see the light!!
it is hard, but trust me - YOU WILL GET THERE ;):p
its just a matter of time hun & i totally know what you mean in the fact you want it to stop hurting now, but you will be a better & stronger person after :)
((hugs))
xXx
It's been 2 months since we split Clare. I can't imagine being with someone for 10 years & having a child with them, and them suddenly leaving :eek: That must've been an absolutely awful time for you!! See, reading your post puts things into perspective & I realise I need to man up. You're a true trooper ;)
It's not like we had a child or a marriage. Though we were saving for a house & we did plan on getting married, I suppose I should breathe a HUGE sigh of relief that he had his bizarre melt-down before we did any of those things.
oh god, I feeel really weird now, cause i didnt take me months and months to get over matt. Sorry just had to add this in, sorry for thread stealing suzie! x
It's been 2 months since we split Clare. I can't imagine being with someone for 10 years & having a child with them, and them suddenly leaving :eek: That must've been an absolutely awful time for you!! See, reading your post puts things into perspective & I realise I need to man up. You're a true trooper ;)
It's not like we had a child or a marriage. Though we were saving for a house & we did plan on getting married, I suppose I should breathe a HUGE sigh of relief that he had his bizarre melt-down before we did any of those things.
its still tough hun, especially when there was kinda no explanation (did he eventually explain things??) and its still ONLY 2 MONTHS AGO!
you obviously loved him very much & still do (unfortunately feelings dont just switch off. my god things would be soooo much easier if they did :rolleyes: lol)
but yes your right in the fact that you gotta thank him (in a weird kinda way) for doing it before marriage & children were here...
just give yourself time, its a great healer
xXx
oh god, I feeel really weird now, cause i didnt take me months and months to get over matt. Sorry just had to add this in, sorry for thread stealing suzie! x
lol sarah.....were all different & all our relationships are too.
dont feel weird.
good for you it didnt take that long! :p
xXx
It's no reason to feel weird chick, you said yourself that you realised quite quickly you didn't love Matt and it wasn't right. There's no shame in that. I've broken up with people in the past & gotten over it ridiculously quickly!
I think the main reason I found it so hard to deal with at first was because it wasn't like he'd said to me "I don't love you or want to be with you" No, he said "I love you and I want to be with you, but missing you all the time is too hard so it's easier to NOT be with you"
That, to me, is mental torture!!
Everyone is different. I loved him unconditionally & was prepared to do anything for him, I gave up a lot for him & compromised my career for him. We had very real plans and dreams and hopes that we intended to fulfil as a couple. Those things take time for me to get over. I'm a very romantic young lady I'll have you know!
Actually looking at it like that i can see why that is tortue, and i kmow id be thinking what if! I suppose matt did just turn around and said that he didnt love me or want to be with me so i just had to accept it and move on!
will you take me on a romantic date? hehe xx
I hate dates :( they're so uncomfortable & awkward. I'd take you on a romantic non-date to the zoo though :D
Zoe Luvs Her SoldierBoi x
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Noooo Zoe, you remember me saying there was no spark or anything? Well he suddenly got really weird, I'll PM you about it but basically he just kept texting me all the time & then getting in a mood if I didn't reply - even though I can't when I'm in work. Then I got a really dodgy message on Saturday night which I just thought "I cannot deal with this" and he didn't like my reply, so I don't think we'll be seeing each other again. Which is fine by me I'd rather hold out for someone who makes my tummy do flips ;)
Yeah me & kev are in touch more now than we were. Remember when we first split and I just NEVER heard from him, but over time the comms have become more & more frequent. But it's safe - we never flirt or talk about the break up, just general chit chat. He's a great guy, I couldn't never talk to him again - despite how horrendously he treated me.
arggh wel theres plenty more fish in the sea :D lol. Aww good well at least yas are back in contact YIPPEEE to that :D
Can you see yourselves getting back together dya think ?? i know you say you dont flirt or talk about your relationship but do you think given some time yas will ?? or dya not want to x x x x x
Nooooo. I'm pretty sure he's already met somebody else to be honest, though I asked him if he was seeing anyone last week and he said no. But he tells lies all the time because he's an IDIOT.
I'm trying really hard to believe in karma & fate but it just seems so unfair that he was the one who acted like a complete heartless *****, and now he's the one swanning around happy as Larry without a care in the world, and I'm the one trying so bloody hard to hold it together and try to forget about him. It just feels like he's always the one who lands on his feet and is always the one who's in control, and I hate him for it.
Hey gorgeous. It took me a year to realise Camerons dad was a *****...i dont think still sleeping with him and then falling pregnant while being split up helped my mind frame at all.
The thing is you ll look back this time next year or even sooner and think...why the hell did it take me so long!
I hope your ok my love. xxx
Zoe Luvs Her SoldierBoi x
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Nooooo. I'm pretty sure he's already met somebody else to be honest, though I asked him if he was seeing anyone last week and he said no. But he tells lies all the time because he's an IDIOT.
I'm trying really hard to believe in karma & fate but it just seems so unfair that he was the one who acted like a complete heartless *****, and now he's the one swanning around happy as Larry without a care in the world, and I'm the one trying so bloody hard to hold it together and try to forget about him. It just feels like he's always the one who lands on his feet and is always the one who's in control, and I hate him for it.
do you think, what makes you think that ?? oh i can imagine how frustrating it is coz like you said hes the one whos all happy chappy and your the one whose trying to pick up the pieces :( grrrr ARSE !! id be exactly the same hun. Just wait till mr perfect comes along and sweeps you off your feet :D i bet it will come when your least expecting it and it will be 'kev who?' x x x x x
Zoe Luvs Her SoldierBoi x
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oh and p.s :D i nearly spat my food out when you sent me that txt msg this afternoon hahahaha, i was on the fone to my mum aswell and when i read it to her she was like 'are you' lmaooooo :D x x x x
Hey,
It took me about 4 years to get over Tony. It wasnt untill we got back together this year did I think OMG you are really annoying and I dont want to be around you. For me getting back with him was the closure I needed. Since this realisation have I actually managed to move on properly knowing what I will and wont put up with and now I am preperly dating a very sexy man, who is lovley and how a bf should be, but I now know that because of what I went through with the emotionally draining, manipulative, stressy d!ck and yes there were good times (I think) but the bad times way out them and I deffo dont want to go back to that...
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