View Full Version : the where to spend xmas conversation...
has anyone else tackled this one yet?? and if so what decisions have you made??
in the past four years me and oh have spend christmas day seperately at our own families, and i have always flown over to his on boxing day and we have spent new years together. however now that we are engaged and also because he will be in afghan next christmas so i will be spending our first married christmas alone, we have decided to be together at mine for christmas day and then fly over together on boxing day.
however i can already feel his family sticking their oars in and pressurising him to be over there and basically expecting us to do our usual thing :mad: i have a nasty feeling hes going to ask me to either spend christmas day over there or will ask if i mind him spending it over there. his sister phoned him earlier and brought it up and gave a mini guilt trip, and i just see it becoming a huge issue!
dont get me wrong, i love his family, but the reason i want to spend christmas day at mine is because we have a much smaller family so if i go over to n.ireland for the whole period my parents will basically be alone, which doesnt seem fair to me when both his bro and sis and their oh's live 10 mins from his folks. i genuinely believe that everyone is so used to me and oh doing the long distance thing that they reckon ill put up with anything, and be ok with us spending xmas apart AGAIN!
ahhhhh vent over, this is the part of christmas that i really hate! xxxxxxxxxx
THis sounds exactly like my predicament.... my OH's family isnt a flight away but is 280 miles away so a good 5 hour trek....
Last year I spent Xmas at his house with all his family and New Year he came here but it was at a push... His ex always use dto do the same so him and his family are used to this arrangement.
My family consists of my mum, dad and me, so If im not here they are by themselves also.
This year I have said I am spending it with my family and OH was well pissed off.... he wouldnt even think about coming here and its made me wonder if this is what it will always be like? I bloody hope not as its silly.
If I was you I would 100% did my heels in and as you said its your 1st Christmas as a married couple.... thats important. You can go there etc Boxing day if its that important to them and they can have 2 Christmas days.... x x x
i hate this part of xmas too hun, its never easy!!!!!
the hardest part of it for me is that im an only child and so is my mum so our family is literally tiny. i really dont like my stepdad too much so the thought of spending xmas day with just him and my mum make my stomach turn. but then i dont want to spend it with my dad as that would make my mum feel like i dont want to be with her... if that makes sense?!
oh has said i can spent it with him again as i did this last year, but it just doesnt seem right as i SHOULD be spending at least part of the day with my family... but i dont want to?! its so confusing knowing what to do for the best!!!
i hope ur oh sticks to what you both decided on though hun, if ur getting married soon you are going to need to make some compromises when it comes to things like that!!!1
Oh gosh it's a hard one hun, I duno what to suggest :/
We've spent the last few christmases seperate mostly, we stay with our own families on xmas eve and morning but OH would pop over in the afternoon and we wouldn't stay together again until boxing day.
This year will have to be different tho, because even though we're still technically each living with our parents (altho OH stays with me whenever he's home) we will be married and have a baby! So will spend it together. We've not spoken about it but I imagine it'll be mostly with my family as we are very rarely at his.....but I feel obliged to pop over to them on xmas day but tbh I don't want to coz it's 10 miles away and on xmas day I like to stay put! But it's hard coz I've got so many family to visit- apart from my mum I have to spend one 'meal' with my dad and then my step dad's family which I do boxing day so that only leaves xmas eve which I like at home! So I have no idea basically......................................... .
hmmmm this is a hard one, because your OH wont be here for xmas next year everyone will want him for the day! I can see both points of view, but tbh I cant see why they wouldnt be happy with having him (and you :)) for boxing day, and just delaying xmas by a day so you can fit both families in. I guess its really up to your OH though where he wants to be on xmas day.
My family are in NZ, and my OH's in Sth Africa, and we live here, so we havent even had the chance to see our families for xmas in the last few years :(
god theres quite a few of us with complicated christmas day arrangements! feel better now that im not the only one:rolleyes:
i think im gonna keep shtum for a while until he brings it up again and see what is said, but im standing my ground. i think its only fair i get my way really because of afghan next year, but im pretty sure nobody on his side will see it that way until i point it out.
i really feel for you tho way too loved up, that is a tough situation. how far away is his family from yours?could you do xmas day at one and boxing day at the others too?
xxxxxxxxxxx
I guess its really up to your OH though where he wants to be on xmas day.
My family are in NZ, and my OH's in Sth Africa, and we live here, so we havent even had the chance to see our families for xmas in the last few years :(
i think that if he decided that he really wanted to spend xmas at home with his family then id just have to put up with it, but i would be really hurt. i spend enough time playing second fiddle to his job so i refuse to be constantly compromsing for the sake of his family too. makes me sound like a right b*tch but i honestly do feel that we are always sacrificing us to make work/our families happy.
awww hun that made me feel so sad you writing that about your families :( i hope you manage to get a xmas all together in the next year or 2 xxxxx
Last Xmas I spent it with just me and Lee in my little flat and we loved it. It was our first christmas together and so it sort of set, that's how it is going to be. I haven't spent Christmas day with my family for about 4 years now, Lee however had always spent christmas day with his dad and step mum so it was different for him.
I saw my parents (who live down the road) briefly on the afternoon of Christmas eve, then spent the evening of christmas eve, Christmas day and boxing day as just us two and it was the best Christmas ever. We then went the 260 mile trip to see his family on the 27th and stayed through new year.
I love his family but I don't like going up for long as we can't share a bed or anything and I get no private time at all. I can stand a few nights but much longer I need out as I love my independence and space. I love having my own flat. I moved out as soon as I could as I wanted to be independant.
This year we haven't 100% decided what's happening but we both really want to spend Christmas day just the two of us again. We need to visit his mum and then his dad and nan at some point but he will be on guard this christmas leave so it completely depends on when he is doing that. I would love to go out for new year together and get a hotel for night or be around here so we can be together but we will have to wait and see. Xx
When I was married we were very fair and it was xmas with one family one year and the other the following year and NYE with friends. It was clear to everyone and there were never any problems. xxx
Now we have the kids, I've put my foot down that crimbo is at ours and if they want to spend it with us they can come and stay with us.
Could your mum n dad not come over to the inlaws with you for the crimbo before we got married my olds flew over and stayed with the me oh n his family so we could all be together xx
We spend one xmas with his family and one with mine, usually! This year we've decided to stay at home just the 3 of us, we did it last year and had such a nice time that we want to do it again! But we're spending new years with my family. Not sure when we'll see his, the OH has 3 weeks off in december/jan so well see them in that time.x
We're spending it at home, by ourselves and bugger what everyone else thinks lol :)
First year we went to my Mum's for Xmas Day (although we had our flat) and meant to go to his Mum's Boxing Day, however I felt so bad that we left my Mum's early and did the 5hr journey up to Lincoln so he could surprise his Mum.
The following year we were meant to go his Mum's but something happened (can't remember what it was) and they basically cancelled on us lol so we had dinner at my Mum's and Xmas tea at home.
Last year OH said he didn't want to go all the way up there and asked about them coming down here and we were told it was too far lol. So we spent Xmas Eve to Boxing Day at my Mum's which was different and very fun.
This year I asked him how he felt about it just being the 2 of us at home and starting our own little Christmas traditions and he said he couldn't think of anything better, especially as he would've just got back from tour. His Mum said she was EXPECTING us for Xmas (I quote!) and has tried to put the guilt trip on me AND OH when he's phoned but he's not had any of it and as far as I know we're still spending it at home.
I've told my Mum what we're doing and she was cool she's not bothered at all, it's his family we've got to tackle lol
xx
well i'm massively p!ssed off about this. me and oh have not had an xmas just the two of us yet and the past 3 times we've been travelling around the flaming country seeing famly. this year the plan was to have an xmas at home just the two of us which i have been so excited about. i've never cooked an xmas dinner and really want to make one. however, our friends have offered for us to go round for xmas dinner, and hubbi wants to go but i dont and he's not budging. looks like we're going round there and tbh it's ruined my xmas already.
dont get me wrong i like them but their kids do my head in, which i know is bad of me, usually i love kids, but their daughter is sooooo naughty and doesnt listen to them and it p!sses me off. she hits and winds up her 1 year old brother and she constantly moans and winges and is just a general nightmare. even hubbi was saying last night how he's shocked at how much she gets away with and he's really laid back.
i dont know what to do i gave in over the weekend and said fine i'll go round but i dont want to. :( i actually want to cry about it. i'm tempted to tell hubbi to go round and i'll stay at home. i'd rather go and see my family (well my dad coz my mum will be in thailand) than go round there. urgh. x
I always used to get exited about Xmas, but last year it got to the point where I hate it. Like alot of you guys we have been pulled from pillar to post during the xmas period - mainly from his parents. They only consider themselves & dont realise there are parents (with equal rights) on my side of the family. Doesnt help that my parents have remarried so there are 3 lots to get through. And up until recently I was a weekend wag so we never got to have that quality time together - it was always taken up with trying to keep everyone happy.
Over the last three years, we have managed to give them a xmas day each lol. This year is going to be totally different... for starters we have moved to South Wales but mainly our baby is due the 16th Dec so I aint going anywhere!!! and we want our first xmas as a family - just the three of us!
**Watch it all go pearshaped & the baby will be late & we will end up spending xmas in the labour ward lol.
Dxx
i think that if he decided that he really wanted to spend xmas at home with his family then id just have to put up with it, but i would be really hurt. i spend enough time playing second fiddle to his job so i refuse to be constantly compromsing for the sake of his family too. makes me sound like a right b*tch but i honestly do feel that we are always sacrificing us to make work/our families happy.
awww hun that made me feel so sad you writing that about your families :( i hope you manage to get a xmas all together in the next year or 2 xxxxx
just to let you all know that i got my way in the end, we are spending xmas together over here and then flying to his families on boxing day. there was some grumbling but he put a stop to it pretty quickly - very proud of him! so now very excited to be spending our first christmas day together :D xxxx
i was lucky as me and ex always spent it at ours his parents spent 1 xmas with us and that was it. but i do notice that most of the time its us that have to travel to the outlaws or parents to spend xxmas with them, why cant they come and spend it with you as a family
It's mine n Ohs first christmas together and so this year we're spending it apart. (which I'm dreading tbh). But he's getting the 4/5 hr coach down to my familys on boxing day. Bless him even getting up early so he'll be here for early afternoon. Cant wait til next yr though cos we'll be living together by then....have no idea whether we'll stay at ours or travel to our families but I know we'll be together so I'm not worried :).
When I was with my ex husband though we spent xmas eve apart the first yr (though we'd got engaged the day before). Then he had lunch with his family n came to my parents to give me presents afterwards and spent the night.
2nd year we were married n pregnant so we wanted it together, we were living with my family but went to his parents early xmas day and had dinner with them and then got a lift bk home at about 6pm for christmas tea with my parents. Did it the other way around the next year and had christmas dinner with my parents and went up his parents about 4pm so they could see our son and do presents and all.
Tbh I hated going up there...especially for xmas dinner...first time without my family and I cried when I got there. But agreed that if we were together then we'd make compromises.
If my oh wants us to spend xmas with his family one year I dont think I'd mind tbh because I love his family. Plus my family are huge so I know my mum and dad wouldnt be alone.
Hope everyone gets the christmases they want this yr :). x
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