Pls give me your advice

[Nailtastic123]

Hi Ladies,

I'm new here and not even sure if I belong :( As my BF finished with me 3 weeks before going to Afghan. But I love him and want to support him while he is away so I'm looking for some advice.
Ok will explain, We met online and were together for 6 months. We live several hundred of miles apart but that was never an issue and when we were together things were great. He was always talking about the future, me decorating his house and so on. I had even started looking at jobs in his area although we hadn't spoken about moving in together we had spoken about me moving closer. I'm not sure if it was too much to soon but I fell in love and thought he was in the same place.
About 6 weeks before he left he became very distant was away on exercise most of the time (I'm a military brat so have an understanding of the demands of the job) I gave him space and only contacted him if I hadn't heard from him in a few days. When he got back from one exercise he sent me an email saying he didn't want to be in a relationship and that he didn't have feelings for me but if I could forgive him he would like to hear from me in the future????
My family and friends were just as confused as me as they had seen the chemistry between us and the loving way he beahved towards me. They all think he is just worried about his tour and the stress it will put on us both ( I have family issues at the mo to) I agreed with them at first so I told him I wanted to stay friends and support him while he was away. I have sent him packages and we email once a week but its not the same and there has been a huge shift in our conversations, there is nothing personal anymore although he asks foor my family all the time? I don't want to ask him about it because he doesn't need this while he is away but I'm at my witts end and am no longer sure if I'm doing the right thing by staying in cotact.
Sorry this is so long, I guess what I'm asking is has anyone experienced anything like this or know someone who has. I think the pulling away is a natural defence mechanisim.
Thanks for taking the time to read this xxxxxxxxxx

[Claireyh]

Awwww hun, I really don't have any advice as I've never been in this situation, but I didn't want to read and run.

Big hugs. I think that keeping up contact in whatever form would be god for now.

Welcome to the site, stick around and let us know how things progress!

xxx

[manuiti]

Hey hun

Sorry to hear you're going through this. Yeah, a lot of the time doing what he's done is a coping mechanism for some of them. A lot of the time but not all of the time. My advice would be to carry on being his friend and writing to him but to carry on with your life. If you were meant to be it'll work itself out but if not then it would be a shame to miss out on mr right if he happened to walk into your life next month.

Like Claire says, you're very welcome here and do keep us posted.
xxx

[rak-attack]

hi hun,

i have no more constructive advice for you but didn't want to read and run...

clarey and manuiti have given you some fab advice, and agree that the way he is acting is probably a coping mechanism.

I would support him just the way you are doing now, and maybe wait until he is home on rnr or home for good for a proper chat - by then he will see how strong you are and how much you are up for this relationship.

big hugs hun, you are alwways welcome here for advice and a chat:) xxxxx

[heth526]

awww hunnie big hugs!!!
like yaself i met my oh on the net and we clicked straight away!! the distance thing wasnt a prob for us (and still isnt) but just b4 he went to afghan he started to say maybe we shud stop seeing each other while hes away becoz we had only been together for 4 months b4 he was deployed and this led to lots ov arguments!! the whole reason he said all thi is becoz his last tour his gf cheated on him nd he didnt want to have to worry aboutthat while he was away!! unlike you we sorted it all out b4 he left, but things were pretty tough while he was away(thanx to his ex the cow lol) all i can say is if you feel that strong about him then just keep it light while hes away and maybe when hes bk nd has seen how much u have cared for him and waited all those months he might have a re-think orrrr u cud ebluey him nd tell him how you feel and ask why he did this and that your willing to wait for him!! alot ov lads do this as away of coping coz they think its not fair on gf and family waiting 6 months becoz it is along time but if hes stil keepin in touchthen i think hes just masking his feelings!!!
hope this helps
xxxxxx

[Charlotte:)]

Hi hun,

Sorry to hear you're going through this.
I agree with what the other girls have said. It sounds as if he's doing it as a way to cope any maybe thinks it's best for you. If I was in your shoes I would keep in touch with him and keep sending him parcels, if you care about him you should keep supporting him. Keep yourself busy and your options open, or if you're absolutely sure of the way you feel about him then let him know, just don't do that if you're likely to meet someone else while he's away!

[CEL1979]

Hey hun,

Firstly big hugs.

Me and my hubby have been through 2 tours before we got married and both times we had issues before he went. The first time he split up with my before he went to the Falklands - we'd been together for 4 months before he told me he wasn't sure what he wanted. This was 3 weeks before he left and we had no contact until the day he left when he rang and left me a voicemail saying sorry and that he loved me. We worked things out when he was away when he realised I would be there for him and when he got back he proposed.

He went to Afghan last year and we had a night just before he went where he started questionning our relationship even though our wedding was booked. We sorted things out as this time we spoke more about his fears and whilst he was away he carried on talking when he had any worries. When he got back we decided to elope to Barbados to get married!

If you think he's the one I would tell him how you feel and that if he wants you to wait you will and then leave the ball in his court. You don't need to find out exactly whats going on in his head at the moment but just whether its the tour or not.

Hope that helps and good luck hun

xx

[Nailtastic123]

Thanks Ladies, I really feel like I'm in nomans land at the mo, it's nice to feel welcome by someone :)
I will keep in touch with him no matter what, first and foremost we were friends and I will support him no matter what. I told him how I felt before he left to be honest I was on hormone overdrive and he knew it so he may have thought I was a pshyco lol but he gave me his addy and said he wanted to keep in touch.
I know he has issues as past gf's have had issues with is job (Heth526 exes are the pits ARRRGGhh oh wait I'm one now lol congrats on your wedding hope you had a great day and a fab life together)but I have done this before with my dad so well prepared and he knows it. I won't off load my feelings while he is away its not fair as I know he gives 210% and was newly promoted before he left so will be trying to prove himself.
I was friends with some of his on FB but deleted thm was thinking about contacting on of their GFs, do you think this is a good idea?????
Thanks again sorry to ramble the wine and chocolate flowing tonight heheheh xxxx