View Full Version : Here to let off steam
Hey everyone,
I really don't know where to start, what to say or what i want to acheive. hopfully by the time i have finished pouring my heart out onto my laptop though i might have made a bit of sense???
I started seeing my fella at new year, known of him for ages as he's a friend of a friend but never actually looked at him in that way and we just seemed to hit it off while he was back over christmas.
I knew from the onset that he was in the navy, we got about a weeke and a half together before he had to go back, I wasn't sure how i was going to feel when he went back (and i'm still not 5 month's down the line and several occasions of having to say good bye) but thought he was worth all the heart ache.
Most of the time i am fine (although i am welling up as i write this) i have a full time job and a part time job as a dance teacher at weekends and evenings, I'm always being sent away for a couple of days at a time at work and always working towards a show or other for dancing so i don't actually have any time to myslef never mind have a boyfriend demanding my time so it kind of suits me down to the ground having a fella who is never here.
All my commitments though can be a pain in the arse, They obviously don't all dissapear jut cos he is back. for example his last weekend at christmas leave i was in a danceshow and didn't get to see him for the last 3 days he was home.
I don't really know any-one else in a situation even remotely similar to this so i don't know where to turn.
I suppose i'm writing this to moan really about my best friends reactions to the whole situation. When i have said to her that i'm a bit down as i'm missing my man, She usually replies with..."you knew he was in the navy and that you are hardly ever going to see him before you got involved. if your getting upset already then you might aswell call the whole thing of 'cause you are gonna be miserable for the rest of your life"
am i being mellordramatic?
I'm not depressive, just sometimes want a pat on the back or a cuddle, and reminding that he's worth the wait (not that i need remining obviously)
Sureley I wouldn't be human if i didn't miss him at all??
well he' been gone about 2 weeks and i didn't think i was going to be seeing him again untill september but found out that he'll be home on 23rd May so that's all good
Anyway..... if you managed to read all the way to the end of that you deserve a medal
What do you think???
Aw hunni. firstly welcome to wags, I'm Emma, i've been with my oh just over a year. He's been in the army nearly 9 years, so i was in the same boat as you when i first met him. I had to adjust to this type of lifestyle.
I think friends dont tend to understand. I'm quite lucky to have fairly supportive friends. But they will never understand what we go through. It's it very tough at first. I remember this time last year, crying my eyes out everyday coz i missed him so much. Now it's once in a blue moon that i cry but i still miss him the same. You do get used to it, but at times it can still be hard. Of course all our men are worth waiting for, dont let your friends make you think otherwise.
I'm sorry you're finding it though right now, but thats good news about him coming home in May, bet ur well pleased about that.
Oh and trust me, you will not be miserable for the rest of your life. I think it adds extra excitment and spark to your relationship and these sorts of relationships are the strongest, as you have to have trust, love and dedication to each other.
All the ladies on here are fab, feel free to let off steam on here any time coz it really does help. hope you're ok hun. xxx
Hey chick, I'm Kitty, been with my OH 7 months now and I can completely relate to what you're going through - I think!
We were together 4 1/2 months before he went away the first time and I missed him loads, but just got on with it as I'd just started a new job and loads of things to think about. Second time he's gone away now and I got upset and questioned things a lot more than when he went the first time. Everyone tells me, including my mum, that if I'm so upset all the time then I should just finish it because what's the point in being miserable. What they don't seem to understand (and what I've only just realised myself!) is that the problem isn't with our relationship, but with the fact that we're apart for such long periods of time. It's almost as if our relationship goes into hibernation when he's away, with just enough phonecalls, texts and emails to remind me of his existence! It's not his fault that I miss him so much I read into everything, and find things that aren't even there! Therefore making myself miserable! When he's home, things are great!
My only complaint is that he doesn't seem to understand that like you, I have commitments that don't go away when he's home eg work. I have big responsibilities, and can't just drop them with no notice. I have restricted holidays too and even though he's home for 3 weeks in July I have only been able to book one weekend off! Plus the odd day off obviously. I'd love to spend every waking moment with him when he's home, but I just can't sometimes, and it upsets me that he thinks I'm not trying hard enough to be with him. It's my job, just like it's his job to go away for months on end and leave me all alone! What is it with men!?
My advice to you would be to stop sharing your worries with people who simply cannot understand. It's not their fault, they just have no first hand experience of any of this. And by talking to them, they end up telling you things that are just plain wrong and so worry you unnecessarily, and generally make you unhappy. Men in the forces are different to men with normal 9-5 jobs, they're a lot more complex in the best possible way!
The girls on here are absolutely fantastic and know what it's like so you always get great feedback. Hang in there, I'm sure it's worth the wait :) xxx
Hi Ladies,
Thank you very much for your advice and kind words.
Kitty i know exactly wht you mean about the relationship going into hibernation, I sometimes feel like i actually don't have a boyfriend and that i have made it all up.
I have always said that my friends would always remain the closer to me and than any man would ever be, that is literally now, i have limited leave from work too, i have to take some to go on a holiday with dancing as we're doing a show abroad, I also want a holiday with my best friend, I have moaned to my OH before now that my friend dropped me when her boyfriend asked her to go on holiday with him instead, and now i feel that he is expecting me to do the same for him!
i know that it must be really wierd for him when he comes home. his best mate has gone travelling for a year and lots of his other mates have all moved away, i am very concious about giving him space when he is home, it is very tempting to be selfish and want to be with him every day of his leave but i try to encourage him to go out with the lads and make time for all his other mates, I kind of presume that i am last on his priorities which doesn't do alot for my self esteem , but at the same time i want to make sure that he has the best time when he is back and i don't wat him to feel bad cos i feel left out it's a nasty circle really.
I think i'm too good to him.
I also think i talk too much, This site is a god send, I didn't realise i had so much to say
xxx
It's a fine balance I've found, the last time he was home for a week and we were joined at the hip all week. One night he went out with the lads and sent me soppy messages all night telling me how much he missed me and loved me etc. Lol.
Then, the night before he went back he was really restless in the house, and told me that he hadn't seen his mates at all week. So I literally pushed him out of the house! When he came back he was a lot happier, and a bit drunker! Like you said, you need to be the one to encourage them else they do what they think makes you happy and get a bit frustrated themselves!
Believe me, the woman who sends them care packages and is waiting for them when they get home is top of the priority list, but they need to pack a lot into that week/s.
I agree, this site has saved my sanity! xxx
Well hun my sis dont even know y i date a soldier neither does my own mum na i know its my choice but u cnt help who u fall for but i miss ady so much an i only sore himlast well last weekend an i miss him really bad already but everytime i see him i know its all worth it all the wishin an bein upset is worth it coz whe i was younger an datein a civvi omg i couldnt do it coz he was to involved in mylife but i love andy more then any1 i ever have known an i want him to be more involved iin my life but i like that he goes away i think it makes us stronger so hope i helped an big hugss hunni
This may sound really dim but how do you send care packages, what do you send? It's still all very new to me?
Thanks again every one, I have realised now that i am not alone, Although i don't get to see my fella very much, when i meet new people I take alot of pride in explaining to them that i don't get to see my man much as he is in the Navy
xxx
Well they tend to have a BFPO address where you can send them mail, I send my OH a package every 3 weeks or so, as it normally takes me that long to think of what to put in!
Last one I sent had cake, sweets, 1st season of Family Guy and some naughty pics which he loves! There are tons of suggestions on here from all the other girls who've been doing it a lot longer than me though. Sometimes practical stuff is good too, I've sent a washing bag and lip balm (as he was in freezing conditions!) It's nice to put some thought into it, they really appreciate it :)
xxx
he should be able to give you a BFPO address I send Jamie one every week.
So far I've sent:
Sunblock
Vaseline
Lipbalm
Baby wipes
Sweets (not haribos!) I sent choozers, maoams, etc)
Peanuts
Nandos sauce
Coffee
Latte sachets
Photos of me and our dog
Beanos
Top trumps cards
Family Guy series 4 or 5 (can't remember which!)
And I cannot remember the rest lol xxxx
Hey Leanne!
I'm a bit of a parcel obsessive and try to send one every week - which offiialy has made him the most disliked man in his office. He should be able to give you a BFPO addresss - you need his name, rank, forces number, BFPO number and some address details. You have to keep the package under 2kg otherwise the post office just won't accept it and you can't send aerosols or any of the obvious stuff (drugs, guns, small animals etc.). If I were you I'd reinforce the corners with lots of tape too. I send stuff like:
The Observer (he's a bit of a lefty)
Sweets in individual wrappers - like werthers
Chocolates with a hard shell - M&Ms or Minstrels
Coffee
Sauces / Seasoning
Magazines - Rugby World, Wired, FHM, GQ - mix it up a bit!
Books
Biscuits of the non-chocolate variety - party rings and jammie dodgers went down well!
Top trumps card / playing cards
Beef Jerky (gross)
I just generally keep my eyes open for things he might like or find funny. Paperchase does silly stationery bits nd pieces - stickers, badges etc which are pretty good. The food stuff all gets shared around - good for morale.
Sendign the parcels keeps me sane and makes me feel connected to him. I also send lots of e-blueys, waffling on about my day, stuff in the news, family things, job things blah blah blah
I'd go nuts if I couldn't do all of that. I have a little notebook and just note down little things that happen during the dya to tell him about - that I'd usually text if he were here.
All kinda helps - hang in there!
x
Hey Leanne!
I'm a bit of a parcel obsessive and try to send one every week - which offiialy has made him the most disliked man in his office. He should be able to give you a BFPO addresss - you need his name, rank, forces number, BFPO number and some address details. You have to keep the package under 2kg otherwise the post office just won't accept it and you can't send aerosols or any of the obvious stuff (drugs, guns, small animals etc.). If I were you I'd reinforce the corners with lots of tape too. I send stuff like:
The Observer (he's a bit of a lefty)
Sweets in individual wrappers - like werthers
Chocolates with a hard shell - M&Ms or Minstrels
Coffee
Sauces / Seasoning
Magazines - Rugby World, Wired, FHM, GQ - mix it up a bit!
Books
Biscuits of the non-chocolate variety - party rings and jammie dodgers went down well!
Top trumps card / playing cards
Beef Jerky (gross)
I just generally keep my eyes open for things he might like or find funny. Paperchase does silly stationery bits nd pieces - stickers, badges etc which are pretty good. The food stuff all gets shared around - good for morale.
Sendign the parcels keeps me sane and makes me feel connected to him. I also send lots of e-blueys, waffling on about my day, stuff in the news, family things, job things blah blah blah
I'd go nuts if I couldn't do all of that. I have a little notebook and just note down little things that happen during the dya to tell him about - that I'd usually text if he were here.
All kinda helps - hang in there!
x
Thats actually very scarily exactly what I do, all of it lol. :o:D
He says whenever he's feeling sad he just looks at his big pile of blueys and seeing how many there are cheers him up lol.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Cool! Glad it's not just me being a nutjob Cheeky!
x:D
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